


After the Night We Met

by soundlessAsdots



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-10-28 07:00:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10826169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundlessAsdots/pseuds/soundlessAsdots
Summary: Pearl meets Rose at a college party in the year 2000. The story takes place over the course of seventeen years. Each chapter occurs on one day each year.





	1. Steal My Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> *Note as a person born in the 90s, I had to do a ton of research on Indie music and other pop culture stuff in the early 2000s to write this, so there might be some obscure references and some inaccuracies on the dates.

**November 2000**

 

Pearl leaned against the wall of the kitchen. The fraternity house was packed. She lamented that her roommate Peridot convinced her to go to this. The tiled linoleum floor was peeling and everything seemed...sticky. She did not want to be here. 

 

The song, “Steal My Sunshine,” was playing in the background and Pearl cursed the existence of top forty radio. 

 

“We have to network with these d-bags,” Peridot said. “How are we supposed to start an engineering firm someday if we become social outcasts and never meet any other engineering majors?” 

 

“I was planning on networking after I graduate next year and get a job,” Pearl said. “It’s more preferable than going to some fraternity party only because a handful of the guys there happen to be in our major.” 

 

“If more women did STEM, we wouldn’t have to be here,” Peridot said. 

 

“Please get off your soapbox,” Pearl said. 

 

“If no one ever got on a soapbox, protests wouldn’t exist. Nothing would ever change,” Peridot said. “Sometimes, I don’t understand why you’re so placated by the status quo.”  

 

Peridot spotted someone from her electrical engineering class. She asked Pearl if she wanted to go and talk to the guy whose name was Rob or Ralph or something like that.

 

“I’m good,” Pearl said. As Peridot walked away, Pearl took a small sip of her beer and crinkled her nose. She hated Bud Light. As she choked down the beverage, Pearl spotted Diana Martin. 

 

Over the speakers, Pearl heard the lyrics to the song: 

 

_I know it's up for me_

_If you steal my sunshine_

_Making sure I'm not in too deep_

_If you steal my sunshine_

_Keeping versed and on my feet_

_Check, c'mere c'mere, c'mere_

_Wow, look at her_

_I know_

 

Pearl’s eyes focused on Diana’s revealing and lacy halter top. Diana’s bare skin peaked through the end of her white halter top and beginning of her silver metallic pants. A good looking, tall guy had his arms around her waist as they danced together. Diana noticed Pearl and waved with a small smile. She stopped dancing with the guy, took him by the hand, and walked over to Pearl. 

 

“Pearl?!” Diana’s eyes widened as she tried to hide a smile. “What the hell are you doing here? You go to these things?” 

 

“Not usually,” Pearl said as she played with the string on the pocket of her baggy cargo pants. “My roommate dragged me here.” 

 

“Yeah, I didn’t think you would come to something like this voluntarily,” Diana said. 

 

“Why? Do you hate having fun?” the guy asked Pearl. 

 

“No, she doesn’t hate having fun. She just has a different definition of fun,” Diana said, smirking. “Derek, this is Pearl.” 

 

Derek looked at Diana blankly. He had no idea what she was talking about. 

 

“My calculus tutor,” Diana said, pursing her lips. “She’s an engineering major. So she knows her shit.” 

 

“Di, you’re taking calculus?” Derek asked. “Why would you do that to yourself?” He kissed Diana’s neck. 

 

“It’s a requirement for my accounting major,” Diana said. 

 

“You should, try an easier major,” Derek said. 

 

“He doesn’t understand, Pearl. He’s a comm major,” Diana said. “He’s doing a research paper on t _he X-Files_ and its effect on the US political culture pre-George W. Bush.” Diana rolled her eyes in annoyance. 

 

Then a Tupac song began to play. “It’s me and my boys’ song! Be right back!” Derek said. He let Diana go from his embrace and ran over to a bunch of guys near the keg. 

 

“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” Diana said, winking at Pearl. 

 

As Pearl watched Diana go upstairs, she leaned her back harder against the wall. She would not allow herself to leave this wall. She wasn’t going to subject herself to this any longer. Perhaps she would fuse to the wall and would not have to make a decision about going after Diana. 

 

Diana had hired Pearl to tutor her in calculus. One day while Pearl was sitting in the lecture hall, this gorgeous blonde girl wearing a white dress who was sitting in the row behind her, leaned forward, tapped Pearl on the shoulder and said, gesturing to the ninety-seven on Pearl’s calculus quiz, “You’re good at this, huh? You think you could help me get good at this?” 

 

After the second tutoring session it became clear that Diana did not need help with calculus. Pearl decided to wear a dress that day and Diana put her hand on Pearl’s bare leg. “I don’t really need help with calculus,” Diana whispered. Ever since then they had been secretly hooking up while the rest of Diana’s sorority house thought she was learning about limits. In a way she was, just not in the mathematical way. 

 

That day Pearl became a story Diana would tell her husband twenty years from now when their marriage was on the rocks and their sex-life needed something to get off on. 

 

When no one seemed to be paying attention as they pitifully, drunkenly, offensively rapped to 2pac, Pearl took a long sip of her beer and went upstairs. 

 

As she ascended to the second floor, Pearl heard 2pac sing: 

 

_Come with me, Hail Mary_

_Run quick see, what do we have here_

_Now, do you want to ride or die_

_La dadada, la la la la_

_I ain't a killer but don't push me_

_Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to gettin' pussy_

_Picture paragraphs unloaded, wise words bein' quoted_

_Peeped the weakness int he rap game and sewed it_

 

In the bathroom, Diana had Pearl up against the bathroom sink, kissing her. Pearl’s back dug into the sharp porcelain edges, but she didn’t care. “I’m so glad I ran into you,” Diana said. 

 

Pearl played with a strand of Diana’s golden hair. “Me too. I usually hate these things.” 

 

“Too many people?” 

 

“These frat houses are filthy.” Pearl nudged her head over to the shower, which appeared to have black mold in the tile cracks. “And they have atrocious beer that’s probably roofied.” 

 

“They don’t roofie the beer,” Diana said with a serious tone. “It’s that jungle juice stuff in the trash barrel. Stay away from that.” She began to kiss Pearl’s collar bone. Pearl moaned as Diana lifted up Pearl’s shirt. Her soft hands moved up Pearl’s stomach and pulled away Pearl’s bra cup so she could suck on Pearl’s nipple. Pearl grasped the back of Diana’s head, feeling her soft blond hair, and gently pushed Diana’s head toward her chest. When Pearl felt Diana's teeth lightly bite her nipple, she let out a squeak. 

 

“I wanna see your dorm room,” Diana said as she pulled away. 

 

Pearl allowed herself a small smile. She promised herself not to let this happen. She was becoming too attached and there was no way this would end well. Diana had a boyfriend. She didn’t date girls. 

 

“What about Derek?” Pearl asked.

 

“Derek?” Diana rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t know about this and honestly if he did, he probably wouldn’t care.” 

 

“Really? What? Why?” Pearl asked, confused. 

 

“I don’t want to offend you,” Diana said brushing a strand of Pearl’s strawberry blonde hair away from her face. She pecked Pearl on the lips. 

 

Pearl looked down on the floor and said, “He doesn’t think this, ‘counts,’ does he?” 

 

Diana sighed, “That’s why I didn’t want to get into this. Derek is an asshole, okay?” 

 

“Then why are you with him?” 

 

“He’s hot, Pearl. Okay? It’s college. I’m not going to marry him or anything,” Diana said. She dug her thigh into Pearl’s groin and said,“Look, baby. You’re so fucking gorgeous and I really want to see your room.” She then whispered in Pearl’s ear, “Don’t you want to show me?” Pearl got goosebumps as she shivered from Diana’s hot breath on her skin. 

 

“Yeah,” Pearl said. 

 

“Alright. Wait in here for ten minutes and meet me down the block. You know what my car looks like, right? It’s a tan Camry.” 

 

“Meet you down the block?” 

 

“We can’t let people see us leaving here together,” Diana said, breaking the embrace. 

 

“You want me to wait in this gross bathroom?” Pearl asked. 

 

“It’s ten minutes,” Diana said. She pecked Pearl on the lips and said, “I can’t wait to fuck you.” 

 

Diana left the bathroom and Pearl buried her face in her hands. She turned around and put her hands on the side of the porcelain counter and looked down at the sink. “You don’t have to go,” Pearl said to herself. “I know you want to go, but you don’t have to.” 

 

Pearl timed ten minutes with her watch, her eyes not leaving her wrist. Pearl was about to leave the bathroom when a pink-haired girl rushed in without knocking. “I am so sorry!” she said, closing the door. “Just do me one favor...” 

 

“What the hell?” Pearl said as she cursed Diana for not locking the door when she left. 

 

“Rose!” a male voice in the hallway yelled. He sounded like he was sobbing. 

 

The pink-haired woman put her index finger to her lips and then put her hands together like she was praying. “Please,” she mouthed before manically putting her index finger to her mouth again. 

 

Pearl nodded, understanding the girl wanted Pearl to be quiet. 

 

“Please, Rose!” the male voice said through the bathroom door. “I love you!” 

 

Pearl looked at the girl in front of her. She wore a short, dark pink baby-doll dress and a jean jacket. She sat on the toilet seat cover, rubbing the temples of her forehead. 

 

“Rose? Are you up here? I just want to talk!” Pearl then heard loud sobbing from a man standing outside the bathroom door. 

 

The pink-haired woman cringed and mouthed, “Damn-it.” 

 

They heard loud steps going down stairs. 

 

“Thank you,” the woman said. “Can we wait like two minutes? Just to be safe that he’s gone?” 

 

“I take it you’re Rose,” Pearl said, crossing her arms. 

 

“It’s a long story,” Rose sighed. “I’ve been trying to break-up with him for two weeks. He just keeps wanting to talk about it.” 

 

“Why’d you break up with him, well besides--” 

 

“The obvious reasons of him being ridiculously needy?” Rose asked. “Isaac wanted to marry me. He bought a ring and everything. I was like, ‘hey,’” Rose waved her hands in front of Pearl’s face. “‘We’re twenty-two. I’m not going to marry you. I am not ready for all of that.” 

 

Pearl nodded. “So you’re a senior?” she asked. Pearl wanted to deflect the conversation away from relationships. 

 

“Yeah,” Rose said. 

 

“What are your--” 

 

“Don’t ask me what my plans for next year are,” Rose said, suddenly serious. 

 

“O-kay,” Pearl said, rolling her eyes. 

 

“I don’t have any,” Rose said, beaming. 

 

Pearl smiled and noticed the dusting of freckles across Rose’s nose. She was cute and carefree and, as Pearl predicted, probably not into Pearl. 

 

“You think the coast is clear?” Pearl asked, raising her eyebrows at Rose. “Cause I kinda have to go. You know, because of my ride and stuff.” 

 

“You going to a booty call?” Rose asked, laughing. 

 

“What?” Pearl said, offended. 

 

“You were flushed and you were staring at the sink when I came in here,” Rose said. “I’m pretty bad at math, but I can put two and two together.” 

 

Pearl’s mouth hung open as she tried to find the words to respond to this pink-haired Rose who stood in front of her. 

 

“What are you doing standing here?” Rose asked, “Go get that D, girl!” 

 

Pearl didn’t feel like explaining to this Rose character that it was a V and not a D. She muttered goodbye and exited the bathroom. 

 

Pearl walked across the lawn littered with beer cans and vomit. She should have stayed home and have read _Ethan Frome_ for the seventh time while listening to Sonic Youth on her walkman. 

 

When Pearl made it down the street, she saw the tan Camry parked next to the curb. She walked over to the passenger seat and planned to knock on the passenger window.  Instead she saw Derek sitting in the passenger seat, waving to Pearl. He rolled down the window and said, “Calculus, girl! Wazzzuuup!” 

 

Pearl dipped her head back. Of course Derek was here. 

 

“Hey,” Diana said with a weak smile. “Don’t worry. I’m just dropping him off at his dorm.” 

 

“He doesn’t live in the frat house?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Why would I wanna live there?” Derek asked. “It’s mad gross in there. The floor is sticky. Did you notice that?” 

 

“You know what?” Pearl said, “I understand Derek is intoxicated right now and this is the safest way to get him back to his dorm, but yeah, I am not doing this anymore. Okay? I will call a cab.” 

 

“No, Pearl!” Diana said. She got out of the driver’s seat, taking the keys with her and ran up to Pearl, taking her in an embrace. “He’s too drunk and too oblivious to even know what’s going on between me and you.” 

 

“I don’t like how this--” 

 

“Pearl,” Diana smiled, “He’s been suggesting all night that he wants to set you up with his friend Bill because you’re and I quote, ‘mad cute and Bill’s type’ and you’re both political science majors. That’s how oblivious he is.” She played with the drawstring on Pearl’s cargo pants pockets. “He can’t even remember what your major is.” 

 

“He thinks I’m ‘mad cute’?” Pearl asked. Her brow furrowed. Derek thinking she was cute was just...odd.  

 

Diana nodded. “I mean, you are.” 

 

Pearl’s lips curled into a smile. She sighed and then nodded to Diana, defeated. 

 

After they dropped the intoxicated Derek off, Pearl moved up to the front seat. Diana took her hand, holding it as she drove. For the first time, to Pearl, this relationship felt somewhat normal, despite just minutes before they had watched Derek stumble into his dorm building. 

 

Pearl led Diana by the hand up to her building. When she opened the door to her dorm, Peridot, Garnet, Jasper were playing _Golden Eye_ on the Nintendo 64. 

 

“Pearl! You’re alive!” Peridot said. “You disappeared! Where did you go--oh you have a girl with you.” 

 

Pearl looked down at the floor. Even though Garnet was wearing sunglasses, Pearl could tell she was giving her the death stare. Garnet had been telling her for weeks to stop seeing Diana. “Diana, this is Garnet, Peridot, and Jasper.” 

 

“Hi,” Diana meekly waved with wide eyes. 

 

Peridot put down the controller and stood up. “I don’t know about you guys, But I think we should go and get high--in Jasper’s room.” 

 

“In my room?” Jasper asked. She looked at Diana and then at Pearl. “I don’t have a N64 though.”

 

“Yeah,” Peridot said, “but you have a better sound system. You also have better weed.” 

 

“That’s true,” Jasper nodded. 

 

As Jasper and Peridot stood up, Garnet walked up to Diana and said, with her British accent, “I know what you’re doing,” she said. 

 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Diana said. She crinkled her forehead and attempted to not laugh nervously. 

 

“Garnet, seriously?” Pearl said through gritted teeth. 

 

“Come one, Garnet!” Peridot said, pushing Garnet away from Diana. 

 

When the group left, Pearl locked her dorm room door. She paced back and forth, mortified. “They usually don’t hang out in here,” Pearl said, “I swear to god, Peridot is usually not even in here. She’s always with Jasper.” 

 

Diana took out some lip smacker lipgloss from her pocket and applied it to her lips. She looked around Pearl’s room, judging the _Buffy The Vampire Slayer_ poster next to a framed poster of Sleater-Kinney. “It’s okay.” Diana saw Pearl’s electric piano keyboard next to the bed. She played a few keys as she gave Pearl a sly expression, biting her lip. Diana nodded and then sat down on Pearl’s bed. “So this is your room.” 

 

“Yes,” Pearl said. “This is it.” 

 

“What’s Sleater-Kinney? Some obscure movie?” 

 

“They’re a band.” 

 

“Never heard of them.” Diana opened her legs wide and leaned forward. “Now, are you going to take those fucking horrible cargo pants off or am I going to have to do it for you?” 

 

Pearl blushed and started to take her pants off. She rushed and felt completely un-sexy as she fidgeted to remove her pants. She walked over to Diana and stood between her legs. Diana’s hands grasped Pearl’s hips. 

 

Pearl’s heart raced. She needed to end this. This was not the night though. 


	2. I See the Sunshine in Your Eyes

**January 2001**

 

Pearl sat in the library studying for a test she had next week. Across from her, Garnet was drinking a coffee and pestering Pearl about her relationship with Diana. 

 

“I’m sorry, I think I blacked out from disbelief. Please repeat what you did with Diana and her boyfriend this weekend,” Garnet said. Her British accent made it sound like a joke. She wasn't joking. Pearl could tell by her face. It was crinkled like she just ate something sour. Since Pearl was technically an international student, she had been paired with Garnet as her buddy for the first week of college orientation. At first they annoyed each other. Eventually they grew to laugh about the annoyance. They had been friends ever since. 

 

Only Garnet did not find this annoyance hilarious. 

 

“So Diana invited me to the sorority house," Pearl said. "I was excited because it meant I could spend an extra night with her than the usual on Tuesdays and every other Saturday. When I get there, Derek and Bill Dewey were waiting in the foyer. Then Diana comes down and asks me if I want to see _Quills_ with them. And I agreed because Diana was going and Kate Winslet is just absolutely breathtaking.” 

 

“What was the seating arrangement at the theater?” Garnet asked through gritted teeth. 

 

Pearl sighed. She hid behind her opened mechanical engineering book and said, “Derek, Diana, Me, and then Bill Dewey.” 

 

“You went on a date. Not with Diana. With Bill Dewey,” Garnet shook her head. “Please tell me you are aware of what happened.” 

 

“I paid for myself!” Pearl said. “It wasn’t a date with Bill! Diana’s hand was on my leg for like half of the movie!”  

 

“Did you pay for Diana?” Garnet asked. 

 

“Maybe,” Pearl said, but then she saw Garnet had crossed her arms. “Okay, I paid for Diana.” Pearl put down the book and looked Garnet in the eyes. Pearl saw her reflection in Garnet’s sunglasses. Pearl thought her reflection looked pathetic; trying to explain herself to Garnet was becoming agonizing. She laid her head on the table and said in monotone, “I accidentally went on a date with Bill Dewey, didn’t I?” 

 

“Yes,” Garnet said. 

 

“Crap,” Pearl shook her head. She had never been on a date with a guy before. She never wanted to go on a date with a guy. It wasn’t appealing. Pearl usually rebuffed guys or didn’t realize they were asking her out. Throughout the year, they would come up to her after class and ask her to go to lunch with them. She would tell them she had to study. One day Jasper laughed at her and told her “lunch,” was code for, “I want to fuck you.” 

 

Pearl went because Diana would be there. It was like a pseudo date. She thought of it as symbiosis. Bill Dewey was the parasite and Diana was the whale...Perhaps that was not the best way to put it. 

 

There was no good way to put it. Pearl knew it was messed up. But doesn’t loving someone mean you will do anything for them? Pearl could and did fake a date with Bill Dewey if it meant she could see Diana outside of the confines of Diana’s bedroom in the sorority house on Tuesdays.

 

“This relationship isn’t good for you,” Garnet said. 

 

“But I--But I--” 

 

“If you say ‘love her,’ I can’t talk to you again,” Garnet said. 

 

Pearl held her tongue. She took a long sip of her cold tea. 

 

“Pearl, she is never going to leave him for you,” Garnet said. “She’s a straight girl and--” 

 

“She’s not straight,” Pearl said. “She’s bi.” 

 

“Did she tell you that?” 

 

“I mean, kind of,” Pearl said. “Okay, she didn’t. But a straight girl wouldn’t be--well...” Pearl blushed and lowered the volume of her voice, “as good at giving head as she is.”  

 

Garnet sighed. Pearl could sense her friend’s frustration. 

 

“It would be one thing if there was potential in this. But there isn’t any,” Garnet said. “You understand that, right? She’s not going to leave him. She’s not going to tell him the true nature of your relationship with her. She’s not going to date both you and Derek openly at the same time. She will never come out to her sorority about this. There is no scenario in the future of this relationship that will benefit you or make you happy.” 

 

Pearl rested her head on the table. She knew she was at a plateau with Diana. They would not go any further than this. 

 

“You know,” Garnet said. “Jasper thinks you’re really cute. Maybe you should--” 

 

“Stop trying to convince me to go on a date with Jasper,” Pearl said as her head rose up. 

 

“But, Pearl--” 

 

“She’s really attractive. She’s just not my type.” 

 

“Why cause she’s not Kate Winslet?” 

 

“No. I just don’t see us meshing well,” Pearl said. “Like I said, she’s not my type.” 

 

“Perri says she gives great head. Isn’t that your type?” 

 

“Garnet!” Pearl said with wide eyes. “See this is why. Perri was with her, and now--” 

 

“They’re fine,” Garnet said. “They have decided to amicably separate and remain friends.” 

 

“Yeah, right,” Pearl said. “Stop trying to sound like an actual, mature adult about this.” 

 

“Pearl,” Garnet said. “You need this. And Jasper has been constantly asking bout you. It’s the perfect set-up.”

 

“I am satisfied with how my life is going right now,” Pearl said. 

 

“Pearl, the girl you’re seeing barely acknowledges your existence in public. She tricked you into going on a date with a GUY. A GUY. Pearl. Please. Go on a normal date for once. Go see Jasper. Either ask her out or let her ask you out and ACCEPT. It wont hurt to try and see if you have chemistry with Jasper. What you’re doing now with Diana is going to hurt. A lot. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be Jasper. Just find someone who wants to go on an actual date with you. You need a healthy relationship even if it’s for only one night.” Garnet sighed and then left the library.

 

Pearl picked up her cup full of tea and noticed it had gotten really light. She chugged the remaining drops and continued studying. As she focused on the book, she heard someone say, “Bathroom girl!” 

 

“Excuse me? My name is Pearl,” Pearl said. Her brow furrowed as she looked up and saw the pink-haired girl from that party last semester. Suddenly, she felt her scowl transform into a smile.“Rose?” 

 

“You remembered me!” Rose sat down across from Pearl, practically invading her space by dropping her purse down on the middle of the table. “Pearl--It’s Pearl, right? I asked around about your name. hope that's okay. Look, I like owe you so much.” 

 

“You broke it off with Kevin?” 

 

“Isaac,” Rose said. “Yes. Without Isaac, this was the best winter break of my life. The great love saga of three months between Rose and Isaac is over.” 

 

“You were only dating for three months and he asked you to marry him?” 

 

“Crazy, huh?” Rose said. She looked over at the coffee cart. “I’m gonna get us coffees.” 

 

“You don’t need to--” Pearl began. 

 

“Nah. I owe you, remember?” Rose said, winking. She walked over to the coffee cart. 

 

"I don't drink coffee," pearl said. 

 

"Tea it is!" Rose said, pointing back at Pearl. 

 

Pearl sighed.  She had a lot of studying to do. This was an unnecessary distraction. 

 

Rose came back and set down the tea in front of Pearl. “So, what are you doing?” 

 

“Studying,” Pearl said, picking up the mechanical engineering book. 

 

“You gonna work for GM or something? Those bastards and their cars with horrible emissions.” 

 

“Oh the opposite,” Pearl said. “I want to design engines that will use renewable energy.” 

 

“No way,” Rose said. “No way.” She smiled and waved her hands. “I am a plant and soil science major. I love the environment. I want to study soil and nutrient cycling in the Amazon Rainforest when I go to grad school someday.” 

 

“I thought I wasn’t supposed to ask you about your plans?” Pearl said with a smirk. 

 

“That’s for next year,” Rose said. “Next year and maybe the year after that are the Years of Rose.” 

 

“The Years of Rose?” Pearl laughed. 

 

“Yes. I’m going nuts. I’m gonna, like drive across the country and live in my car or just like do some crazy stuff. Just for two years though.”

 

“Get it out of your system?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Exactly,” Rose said. “Then I’m going to get down to business and save the world.” 

 

Pearl started to giggle. 

 

“What? You think one person can’t save the world?” Rose asked, teasing Pearl. 

 

“It’s a lofty ambition,” Pearl said. 

 

“Oh, I know,” Rose said. She took a sip from her coffee. “So when’s that test you’re studying for?”

 

“Next week,” Pearl said. 

 

“So you got some time till then,” Rose said. 

 

“And?” 

 

“And let’s do something.” 

 

“Right now?” 

 

“Yeah. We’re in college. This will be the last time in your life you wont have to worry about credit or question why you’re doing stupid stuff in the middle of the day without worrying about missing work stuff.” 

 

“I already worry about my credit and--” Pearl began to say. 

 

“Let’s go,” Rose said, signaling Pearl to get up. 

 

“Where do you want to go?” Pearl said, shrugging as she packed her book in her backpack. 

 

“Do you like the beach?” Rose asked. 

 

“Well, I haven’t been in a while,” Pearl said as she put on her coat. 

 

“Don’t worry,” Rose said, patting Pearl on the back. “We’ll get you some SPF 95.” 

 

“SPF 95?” 

 

“Your alabaster skin makes me think you burn like crazy in the sun.” 

 

“Well, I’m Scottish,” Pearl said, “and my family is from Nova Scotia. It’s winter there for practically eight months of the year. Not much sun.” 

 

“You’re Canadian?” Rose asked as they started to walk out of the library and into the parking lot. 

 

“Yeah, my whole family is back in Nova Scotia. Wait,” Pearl said, stopping. “It’s January.” 

 

“You’ve never been to the beach in January?” Rose asked. “What have you done with your life so far?” 

 

Pearl said. “It’s going to be colder near the ocean.” 

 

“I thought you were Canadian,” Rose said. 

 

“That doesn’t mean I’m immune to the cold,” Pearl laughed. 

 

“I know,” Rose said, smiling. “I’m kidding. It will be fun.” 

 

“You sure?” Pearl asked, looking down. She shouldn’t try to flirt with this girl. This girl just broke up with an Isaac. This girl was probably straight. She could hear Garnet’s voice in her head, telling her to turn around and go back into the library. 

 

“I promise,” Rose said. 

 

 “Um, I can drive,” Pearl offered. 

 

“Great,” Rose said. 

 

They walked over to Pearl’s Honda Civic in the parking lot.

 

“Wait,” Pearl said, looking over the roof of the car. “Before you get in, I kind of want to tell you something.” 

 

“Um-o-kay,” Rose said. 

 

“When you met me in the bathroom, I was going to a booty call--” Pearl forced herself to utter the slang word. She struggled with the phrase booty-call. She thought she sounded like such a nerd. 

 

“Knew it,” Rose teased. She grinned mischievously as she raised her eyebrows. 

 

“But it wasn’t for um, how did you put it? For D?”

 

Rose looked up at the sky, confused about what Pearl meant. 

 

“It was for a letter more toward the end of the alphabet,” Pearl said. She tapped her fingers on the roof of the car. Waiting for Rose’s response was nerve-wracking. 

 

Pearl was expecting Rose to run off or make up an excuse. Perhaps Rose would say she “forgot,” to take her clothes out of the dryer back at the dorm. It would certainly save Pearl from the inevitable heartbreak this would cause. She could go back to studying and this would be another incident where someone avoided her for the reason they always do. 

 

“Oh,” Rose said, shrugging. “Alright.” She got in the car, completely unfazed. 

 

“Alright,” Pearl said, nodding. When she got into the car, Rose was riffling through her cassette tapes.

“Yesss!” Rose said, taking out the _Terror Twilight_ , cassette.  “I love Pavement. A couple years ago, I was like seriously horrified they broke up. People say they suck live, but I know there’s no way they would. They just hate the whole ‘show’ aspect of concerts.” 

 

Pearl smirked like she was hiding a radical secret. “I’ve seen them live. They came to Montreal once and my friends and I went.” 

 

“Seriously!” Rose asked with wide eyes, “Fuck you,” she began to giggle. “Seriously though, how were they?” 

 

Pearl grinned. “Awesome. They change they lyrics and tempo at will. Malkmus goes on these guitar solo tangents. People do get mad. But it’s so in the moment. It’s mesmerizing.” 

 

“I like that,” Rose said. “Being in the moment.” 

 

“I suppose,” Pearl said. She started the car. 

 

“You don’t live in the moment?” 

 

“Only voyeuristically at Pavement shows,” Pearl said. 

 

“Noted,” Rose said, “we can change that though.” She put the cassette in the tape player and they took off. “For today at least.” 

 

Pearl laughed. Her tongue moved across her top teeth, “For today, I think I can manage to live in the moment.”

 

“What time are you supposed to be back?” Rose asked. 

 

“I’m supposed to tutor someone at five.” 

 

“Ditch ‘em,” Rose said. 

 

“I don’t think they would appreciate if I--” 

 

“Ditch ‘em!” 

 

“We’ll see where the day goes,” Pearl said. 

 

“I still say ditch ‘em,” Rose said, laughing. 

 

As Pearl drove, Rose described her family. “My mother, she’s kind of religious. She wears all these saints medals around her neck depending on what she’s praying for. I’m not really religious though. Her side of the family is Italian. My dad is from Argentina. Hence the last name Cortez. He’s a dentist and he has this sadistic sense of humor all dentists have. I mean, I love my Dad, but you’d have to be some kind of sociopath to want to voluntarily drill into someone’s bone while singing along to Billy Joel over the dental office speakers. They’re great though.” 

 

“That’s cool,” Pearl said. 

 

“I also have this cousin, Amethyst. She's like my sister. We're really close. ” Rose said. “Man, I love her, but she’s nuts. She will literally do anything. Last week she got arrested for trying to graffiti her self-portrait on the side of an Amtrak train. She has to do over a hundred hours of community service.” 

 

“And I thought you were impulsive,” Pearl said, teasing. 

 

“Amethyst crosses the line between impulsive and insane. What about your family?” 

 

“Um,” Pearl said, searching for what to say. “My dad is a fisherman. My mom is an administrative assistant at a law office. We live in this small town. Nothing too exciting.” 

 

“Nice,” Rose said. She observed Pearl driving. “You’re really focused.” 

 

“I don’t want to get in an accident.” 

 

“Who does?” Rose said. “But I mean, you grip the steering wheel like if you let go, you’d float away into nothingness.” 

 

Pearl, for a quick second, allowed her eyes to leave the road glance down at her hands. She was gripping the steering wheel as if she would die if the crushing pressure from her hands eased up. She looked back up at the road. She breathed deep and allowed her hands to loosen up and her shoulders to drop into a more relaxed position. 

 

“Does that feel better?” Rose asked. 

 

“Much better actually,” Pearl said. 

 

“So what do you like to do besides study for tests a week in advance and hook up with sorority girls?” 

 

“How’d you know she was a sorority girl?” Pearl asked. Her grip tightened on the steering wheel. If Diana found out she told someone who was not in Pearl’s inner circle, she would surely end the arrangement. 

 

“Honestly it was a guess,” Rose said as she attempted to hide a smile. “You know, cause it was a frat party. You don’t seem like the frat party type.” 

 

“I’m not,” Pearl said. 

 

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask anymore questions about the girl you’re seeing,” Rose said. 

 

They were quiet for a while. Pearl pulled into the beach parking lot. 

 

The snow in the parking lot was black from the dirt and salt from the road, but the snow on the beach was pure white. 

 

“Ballet,” Pearl said suddenly, breaking the silence. “I do ballet.” 

 

Rose smiled. Seeing her teeth and how cute she looked made Pearl feel at ease. 

 

“I’d like to see you do that sometime,” Rose said. 

 

“And piano,” Pearl said. 

 

“Really? What do you like to play?” 

 

“Jazz and Ben Folds Five covers,” Pearl said. “That sounds lame, but I really just--” 

 

“It doesn’t sound lame at all,” Rose said. She opened the car door. “I think it’s pretty awesome.” Pearl felt a cold breeze whoosh into the car. “Let’s go,” Rose said. “I’m going to show you the beauty of the beach in winter.” 

 

Pearl had seen the beach in winter. She grew up in Nova Scotia on the coast. She just wanted to let Rose feel as if she shared an enlightening experience with Pearl. 

 

Tall, brown grass poked through the snow. The ocean tides swept up and washed away some of the snow at the edge of the shore. 

 

Pearl shivered as the gazed upon the sunset in the distance. “It’s quite beautiful.” 

 

“Yeah,” Rose said. “Was it worth it?” 

 

“Most definitely.” 

 

Rose looked down at Pearl and saw the thin woman’s teeth chattering. “That’s not good for your teeth,” Rose said with a slight laugh. 

 

“You would know,” Pearl said. 

 

Rose placed her hand on Pearl’s shoulder. “Is this okay?” 

 

“It’s okay,” Pearl said. 

 

“You want to get some food?” Rose asked. “I know you were thinking about going to that tutoring thing, but--” 

 

“Yes,” Pearl said. “I would like that. I just have to call and leave a message that I’m going to cancel.” 

 

“Awesome,” Rose said with a wide smile. 

 

As Pearl drove to the diner, she told Rose about the ballet performances she had been in as a dance minor. “ _Sleeping Beauty_ is my favorite,” Pearl said. 

 

“Were you Sleeping Beauty?” Rose asked. 

 

Pearl nodded. “I was also one of the diamonds in the ballet _Jewels_. I wasn’t the lead. There really isn’t a lead. Just performers as a group. I wish it was something I could pursue, but I have to be able to pay off my debt when I graduate.” 

 

When they arrived in the parking lot, Pearl parked. Rose’s gaze shifted over to Pearl and said, “You’re name is Pearl and you played a diamond? That’s kind of funny.” 

 

“I suppose there is some humor in it,” Pearl said. “Since they’re all technically gems.” 

 

“I dunno,” Rose said, sighing. “I think you’re a perfect Pearl. You don’t need to be a diamond.” 

 

Pearl began to laugh. “How long did it take you to come up with that joke?”

 

“It came to me, like from literally the second you started talking about the _Jewels_ ballet,” Rose said giggling. 

 

When they entered the restaurant, Pearl spotted a pay phone in the back of the restaurant. 

 

“I’m going to use the restroom,” Rose said. “Be right back.” 

 

“Okay,” Pearl said. She walked over to the phone booth and went in. Pearl waited in the phone booth as the phone rang. She squirmed slightly. Diana wouldn’t like Pearl canceling at the last minute.

 

Diana answered, “Hello?” 

 

“It’s Pearl.”

  
“Oh,” Diana’s voice changed to a more playful tone. “I can’t wait until tonight. I’ve missed you.” 

 

“Same,” Pearl said. She breathed in deep. “Except, I don’t think I can make it tonight.” 

 

“What?” Diana said. “I thought you missed me though.” 

 

“I do. It’s just--” 

 

“Pearl, we have one night a week to do this. And you’re going to miss it?” 

 

“We wouldn’t have one night a week if you didn’t care so much about what people thought about us.” 

 

“Seriously?” Diana asked. “Did you seriously just say that? You know what? Fine. Don’t come over. I’ll just call Derek and have him come over instead.” 

 

“Go ahead,” Pearl said. Rage built up inside her. She was sick of putting up with Diana hiding everything they did together from the outside world. One time, Pearl believed she loved her, but when it became clear that Diana would never truly be with Pearl, Pearl’s fondness for the sorority girl began to fade. Then Pearl said something out of character, “But good luck with getting seven orgasms from him because we both know I give way better head than he does! He couldn’t even find a clitoris if he had a map!” 

 

She then hung up the phone. Her chest beat rapidly. She couldn’t believe she just said that. She jumped when she heard a banging on the phone booth plexiglass window. 

 

Rose waved as she cracked up at a petrified Pearl in the phone booth. “You cancel that tutor thing?” 

 

“I just did,” Pearl said as she opened the door to the phone booth. 

 

Rose noticed Pearl was shivering, “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a very nervous person?” 

 

“All the time,” Pearl said. “I mean, I am a very nervous person.” 

 

“You look kind of down,” Rose said. She put her hand on Pearl’s shoulder. Pearl’s gaze shifted toward the hand and then to Rose’s face. Rose’s eyes were warm and brown. She had a smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose that stood out slightly from her tan skin. Her pink lips looked soft. Pearl wanted to kiss her. 

 

But she didn’t. 

 

“I’m okay,” Pearl said. “I just hate letting people down.” 

 

“I’m sorry,” Rose said, “Oh my God, I feel horrible. I didn’t think this would be such a big deal. You should go to--” 

 

“No,” Pearl said firmly. “I want to be here.” 

 

Rose’s lips crept into a smile, “Okay. Let’s sit down and get some food then.” 

 

Pearl and Rose sat down in the booth. “It says breakfast all day. I’m getting pancakes. This one comes with eight stacks,” Rose said, pointing to an item on the menu called “The Stack.”  

 

“I think I’ll just get a grilled cheese,” Pearl said. 

 

“Just a grilled cheese?” Rose asked. 

 

“I don’t really eat a lot,” Pearl said. 

 

“If I get The Stack, can you commit to two pancakes?” 

 

“You want to share your meal with me?” 

 

“Yeah,” Rose said. 

 

“I could probably commit to one half of one pancake,” Pearl said as she read over the menu. 

 

Rose began to laugh. “I will hold you to that commitment. One half of a pancake for Pearl.” 

 

As they waited for their food, Rose began to talk about the Rainforest. Something, Pearl would later learn, Rose could talk about endlessly. 

 

“So in the Rainforest, there’s this flower called the heliconia flower. See most people would tell you their favorite flower in the rainforest is one of the many varieties of orchids, but mine is the heliconia flower. It looks like a lobster claw. It’s not the most beautiful plant, but it is vital to the existence of humming birds and bats--” 

 

“Bats?” Pearl asked. Her face scrunched up. 

 

“They have to live somewhere,” Rose said. 

 

“The bats live in a flower?’ Pearl asked. 

 

“Yes,” Rose said. “And that’s why I love the Rainforest. Everything there has a specific purpose and their purpose is to help another species there...it’s the epitome of an ecosystem. They all need each other. And all the organisms in the Rainforest know it. It’s something humans fail to grasp. It’s like we’ve forgotten how to love everything and each other.”  

 

Pearl had thought Rose was cute, but it was statements like these that would solidify her romantic feelings for the pink-haired woman. 

 

“That’s so beautiful,” Pearl said. 

 

When their food came, Rose carefully cut up one of her pancakes in half and slid it over to Pearl’s plate. 

 

“You going to keep your commitment?” 

 

“I always do,” Pearl said. She cut off a piece of the pancake with the edge of her fork and scooped it into her mouth. 

 

“Except for appointments tutoring sorority girls?” Rose said as she sliced into her pancakes. 

 

“Not when that sorority girl doesn’t deserve the commitment,” Pearl said. 

 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Rose said. 

 

“It’s okay,” Pearl said. 

 

“You sure?” 

 

Pearl nodded. “I should have ended it months ago.” 

 

On the way home, they were stuck at a traffic light. Pearl sat in the driver’s seat. Pavement’s “Spit on a Stranger,” played on the radio’s cassette player. 

 

Rose was quiet. She observed Pearl singing “ _Whatever you feel/Whatever it takes/Whenever it's real/Whatever awaits me/Whatever you need/However so slight/Whenever it leads/Whenever it's right/Honey I'm a prize and you're a catch/And we're a perfect match---_ ” 

 

Without a word, she leaned over to Pearl and kissed her on the cheek. Pearl’s foot jerked away from the brake as a response. The car rolled forward for a moment. As Pearl’s bumper was about to hit the car’s in front of hers, Pearl slammed on the breaks. 

 

“Rose!” Pearl said. “What-what was--” 

 

“Is it okay?’ 

 

“Not when I’m driving.” 

 

“I'm sorry. You just have the most beautiful voice,” Rose said. 

 

Rose leaned in again, this time kissing Pearl on the lips. After a long kiss, the car behind them beeped their horn. Rose caressed Pearl’s cheek with her hand.  “You wanna pull over?” 

 

“What bout-about Issac?” Pearl stuttered as she put the car in drive.

 

“What about Issac?” Rose asked, confused. Her forehead crinkled. “We broke up like a month ago.” 

 

“But his name is Issac and he is you know a--” 

 

“So what? I like you. Do you like me?” 

 

Pearl nodded. 

 

“Don’t worry,” Rose said, “I’m not going to make you sneak around like we’re in a Kate Chopin novel.”

 

Pearl thought that Virginia Woolf was a more appropriate writer to reference, but she did not correct Rose. Pearl was nervous. She didn’t plan for this. She promised herself she wouldn’t allow herself to develop romantic feelings for Rose.  

 

“I know,” Pearl said. They had just met, Pearl told herself. She wasn’t in love. It was adrenaline. 

 

But it was sweet adrenaline. 

 

Pearl nodded again. She pulled the car over to a vacant parking lot. She put the car in park and took her seat belt off. Pearl climbed over the arm rest and began to passionately kiss Rose. She pulled away and said, “I’ve been waiting to do that for--” 

 

“The entire day?” Rose asked. “Me too.” 

 

Rose pulled Pearl’s shirt over her head. 

 

After being with Rose in the car, Pearl never tutored Diana Martin again. 

 


	3. I'm Gonna Love You Anyhow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After graduating from college, Pearl deals with her depression and anxiety while Rose drags her to a party at Amethyst's house.

 

**August 2002**

 

 

Pearl sat at her piano keyboard with headphones on. She didn’t want Rose to hear what what she was working on. She stared at the white and black keys. For most of the afternoon, she was hitting a stride. Now, she stood before an insurmountable wall. Pearl had been experimenting with jazz and electronic music on her synthesizer. She had asked Rose to record her violin for the track. So far it wasn’t coming together. She wasn't the best lyricist. 

 

She began to gracefully allow her fingers to dance across the keys. She started to sing: 

 

_You thought this would be easy._

_It’s not. Because, I can’t give you._

_All that you need._

_Sometimes I wish you could see._

_That saving the world is simpler than this._

_I’m wandering alone through a field of flowers._

_And yours isn’t there._

  

Pearl began to bang on the keys, calmly ruining the melody. “This is a load of pretentious bullshit,” she mumbled to herself. 

 

“Pearl!” she heard Rose faintly yelling from the bedroom of their apartment. Pearl took off her headphones. “We need to leave, like basically-now. Actually, we needed to leave like twenty minutes ago.” Rose entered the living room as she put on some eclectic earrings. She wore a white blouse with flowers on it and a pair of flared jeans. 

 

“It’s an Amethyst party,” Pearl said. “There’s no such thing as being on time.” 

 

“She wanted me to get there early,” Rose said. She walked up to Pearl and embraced her from behind. 

 

“Are you aware that early for Amethyst is ten at night?” Pearl said. “It’s like seven.” 

 

“How long have you been sitting there today?” Rose asked. She said it with a soft, caring whisper. 

 

Pearl didn’t answer. She kept hitting the keys. Truthfully, she had been sitting there all day in her pajamas, but she didn’t want to admit it to Rose. 

 

“Did you take your meds?” Rose asked. 

 

“I think I’ve plateaued,” Pearl said. “I’ll see if I can go to the doctor after work on Monday. They’ll probably increase my dosage.” 

 

“Promise?” Rose asked. 

 

“Yes,” Pearl said with frustration. She clenched her teeth together. 

 

“Alright,” Rose said. “Hurry up and get ready so we can go.” 

 

Pearl sighed. “I just need five minutes.” 

 

Rose rolled her eyes and let go of Pearl. “You don’t want to go to this, do you?” 

 

“I have my first day of work on Monday. I’m not really up for a rowdy weekend,” Pearl said with a scowl. 

 

“Can you try to be a bit more pleasant?” Rose said. She sat on the arm of the couch. 

 

“Can you care about my needs more?” 

 

“Are you kidding me?” Rose said, slightly astonished. “What is wrong with you? I changed my life plans for you.” 

 

“Really? Cause that seems kind of hard to do if one does not have any fucking plans!” Pearl said. 

 

“You’re a gem, Pearl,” Rose said with sarcasm. This was what she said to irritate Pearl even more. Pearl believed a pun should never be used in the middle of an argument. It showed a lack of respect.

Rose shook her head and said, “I don’t understand why you insist on making loving you so difficult. It shouldn’t be this difficult.” 

 

 “I shouldn’t be held to the standard of how I made you change your plans. I didn’t make you do anything. You said, ‘baby, I want to skip the Years of Rose. I’ll work at a greenery so I can stay here with you.’ I didn’t force you to do anything.” 

 

“You simply existing forced me to do that,” Rose said sadly. “I wasn’t going to leave you the second I just met you.” 

 

That was all Rose had to say in order to make Pearl feel guilty.

 

“You want me to go to this?” Pearl stood up and began to pace around the living room. She pointed at Rose and said, harsh and with venom,“Because I will go to this.” 

 

“Okay,” Rose said. She shrugged with slight disgust as she looked away from Pearl. “You don’t have to make it sound like a threat.” 

 

Pearl sat down on the floor and let her back lean against the couch. She buried her face into her knees. “I need to take a shower,” Pearl said. She stood up and walked out of the living room and down the hallway. Tears began to burn her eyes. She was terrified Rose would leave. Pearl felt like didn’t deserve Rose. 

 

The scorching heat of the water felt like it would make Pearl forget the argument. She wanted to wash away the sadness. 

 

She loved Rose, but this week was testing. Pearl’s application to have her student Visa transferred to an H-1B was denied. She would have to qualify for the TN Visa, which required her to have a job offer and the employer to petition the government on her behalf for the Visa. Peridot recommended her for a position at an engineering firm that would allow her to stay. Her first day was on Monday, but Pearl had heard horror stories of people getting fired during their first month and having to return home. 

 

As she was shampooing her hair, Pearl heard a knock at the door. She knew it was Rose. “Come in,” Pearl said.

 

“I know you’re scared, but it’s all going to be okay. It will work out. I know you’re anxious, but you aren’t going to get fired. You’re amazing at almost everything you do and if for some reason this job doesn’t work out, I’ll move to Canada if I have to,” Rose said from behind the shower curtain. 

 

“You’re not moving to Canada,” Pearl said as she rinsed her hair and messaged conditioner into her scalp. 

 

“It’s like the US, but with free healthcare. How bad could that be?’ 

 

Pearl let out a small laugh. This was the joke Rose always used when she reference moving to Canada. It was cliche, but coming out of Rose’s mouth, it was adorable. “It’s cold there.” 

 

“That excuse is getting weaker and weaker by the day,” Rose said. Pearl could tell Rose’s voice was trembling. 

 

“We--both of us--aren’t going anywhere,” Pearl said. She pulled the shower curtain back and saw Rose clutching a towel as she suppressed tears. 

 

Rose expanded the towel, widened her arms and hugged Pearl, draping her with the towel. She then dried Pearl off, rubbing her shoulders. “We could get married in Ontario,” Rose whispered.

 

“We could.”Pearl allowed herself to smile slightly. She sang,“ _There is a town in North Ontario/_ _Dream comfort memory to spare/And in my mind I still need a place to go/All my changes were there.”_

 

“What’s that from?” Rose asked as she embraced Pearl. 

 

“Neil Young,” Pearl said. 

 

“Ah, your country’s best export.” 

 

“It’s actually livestock,” Pearl said. “We like supply most of the Northern United States with red meat.” 

 

Pearl felt Rose’s soft lips on her own. When she pulled away, Rose said, “You’re so cute.”

 

This was a game they played; making false plans. Pearl knew they would never get married in Ontario or at one of the other three places on Earth that legally allowed them to. Rose just liked to dream. Pearl then said, “I need to get dressed.”

 

“I’ll wait in the car,” Rose said. 

 

Pearl grabbed an oversized light blue t-shirt and put on a pair of dark flared jeans. 

 

As she walked down the cracked pavement, Pearl began to pick her cuticles. Rose was waiting in driver’s seat of the car in driveway. Pearl sat in the passenger seat. Her hair was still wet. She emitted the scent of citrus fruits. Pearl looked ahead nervously. She then quickly and unexpectedly kissed Rose on the cheek. 

 

Rose grinned and grasped Pearl’s hand. Pearl felt as if this would be okay. They would survive this fight, like they had many other fights. They then drove off. 

 

“My aunt and uncle are out of town, so Amethyst has free reign of the house,” Rose said as the drove down a rural, wooded road. 

 

“I just don’t get how a a kid could grow up in the middle of nowhere like this and could still, well...” Pearl couldn’t find the correct words to say. 

 

“End up like Amethyst?” Rose said with a short laugh.

 

“Exactly,” Pearl said. She looked out the window and saw dozens of cars parked on the side of the road. “How many people did she invite?”

 

“From the looks of it,” Rose said, “the entire state of Delmarva.” 

 

They parked down the street and walked past lines of cars parked on the side of the road. The faint sound of a band played. 

 

_Baby, not even the stars could compare to the fire burning in my heart._

 

“Did she get a band?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Sounds like it!” Rose said. She took Pearl’s hand and pulled her faster toward the colonial house’s back yard. 

 

_My love is a supernova. Please understand._

 

Pearl felt the summer breeze on her face as Rose dragged her toward the party. Groups of people on the front lawn were saying, “Hey, Rose!” Rose would say hello back, knowing all their names. Pearl caught a quick glance of their faces and did not recognize a single person. How Rose could remember every person she ever met was both endearing and irritating. 

 

In the backyard, a makeshift stage was set up. A band was playing on the stage. People were gathered with drinks around the stage. All Pearl could see was the poor craftsmanship of the stage and how Amethyst's parents’ homeowners insurance policy most definitely did not cover personal injury for something like this. 

 

_The stars and the comets surround me, but they don’t compare._

_They don’t compare._

_Our love is a supernova._

 

The singer was a short guy with long brown hair that probably hadn’t been shampooed in two days. He wore an Electric Light OrchestraT-shirt, that may or may not have been ironic. Pearl thought he must have listened to too much Nirvana in high school. She had mixed feelings on Nirvana. Pixies, Nirvana’s main influence, was a better band with a superior sound; this was something she argued about with Amethyst on the regular. 

 

Amethyst was standing in from of the stage with a drink. She was a petite girl on the verge of turning twenty. Her hair had these purple, faded streaks intertwined with the natural brunette strands. Her jeans were ripped and her tank top strap was falling off the side of her shoulder. Rose poked her on the shoulder to say hello.

 

“Rose!” Amethyst said as she turned around. She hugged Rose, tightly and then practically jumped onto Pearl for an embrace. “How’s it hanging P?” 

 

Pearl shrugged and corrected the falling strap of Amethyst’s tank top. She didn’t want to be here. “I hope you have the proper permits and home insurance for that stage.” 

 

“I’m gonna keep the peace and pretend that was a joke,” Amethyst said with a small laugh as she brushed the tank top strap off her shoulder. 

 

“I can’t believe you got a band!” Rose said. 

 

“Vidalia’s new boyfriend knows them,” Amethyst said. 

 

“What are they called,” Pearl asked. 

 

“Mr. Universe and the Galaxies,” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl snorted and erupted into laughter. “You can’t be serious.” 

 

_When I saw you I would never be the same._

 

“It’s a ridiculous name, but I like their sound,” Amethyst said. 

 

 “They sound like a budget version of The Flaming Lips,” Pearl said. “It’s like they try too hard. I mean, they’re practically shoe-horning the space references in.”

 

“You always make hating things seem so easy,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I think they sound great,” Rose said, smiling widely. “Who’s the singer?” 

 

“Oh,” Amethyst said. She started to blush. “That’s Greg.” 

 

“Please, Amethyst,” Pearl said, smirking, “he’s too old for you.” 

 

“Thanks, MOM,” Amethyst said. 

 

“You can't even legally drink and he’s practically thirty,’ Pearl said. 

 

“He is pretty cute though,” Rose said. 

 

“What?” Pearl said.  She narrowed her eyes. 

 

Rose tilted her head at Pearl and put her hand around her waist. “You all right?” 

 

“I’m fine. I’m not overreacting,” Pearl said, pursing her lips. 

 

“If I wanted to watch the _Young and the Restless_ , I would have put a blank tape in my VHS,” Amethyst said. “Also, Pearl, you’re overreacting.” 

 

“I’m going to find Garnet,” Pearl said. She turned away and walked into the house. The kitchen was packed with people. Pearl preferred small gatherings. It wasn’t that she hated people, she just hated it when you couldn’t move around a room. She squeezed and navigated her way through the crowds. “Cheeky Song,” played on the stereo in the living room. Pearl cringed from the horrible music. 

 

Garnet spotted Pearl. She tapped her on the shoulder. Pearl’s face beamed with relief. 

 

“You want to go upstairs?”Garnet asked. 

 

Pearl gave her a desperate nod. She followed Garnet upstairs and away from the crowd. When she was in the empty hallway, she sighed in relief. “This is insane.” 

 

“I knew you would hate the crowd,” Garnet said, leaning against the wall. 

 

“Rose is basking in it, of course,” Pearl said. 

 

“If you weren’t with Rose, you’d never leave the house.” 

 

“Not true,” Pearl said and then added jokingly, “I’d have to get food at some point.”

 

“You want to go mess up the shitty playlist they’re playing on the stereo downstairs?” Garnet asked. 

 

“Definitely. I’m thinking B2K and Oasis,” Pearl said, nodding with an eager grin. 

 

“Throw in some Nirvana and the Foo Fighters to appease Amethyst,” Garnet said. 

 

“If you want me to do that, I’m playing ‘U-Mass,’ and ‘Teen Spirit,’ back to back so everyone can see how similar they are,” Pearl said. 

 

“Just go get the CDs,” Garnet said with a laugh. 

 

Pearl went into Amethyst’s room. Clothes and pizza boxes were everywhere. Pearl shuttered, thinking there were definitely bugs somewhere in this room and grabbed some mix CDs from Amethyst's desk. 

 

Downstairs, Pearl and Garnet changed the CD to one of Amethyst’s mix CDs. The Foo Fighter’s, “All My Life” began to play. Pearl grabbed a wine cooler from the fridge and then left the house via the sliding door to the deck. She peered out onto the backyard and spotted Rose talking to the singer from the band. 

 

“Who’s Rose talking to?” Pearl heard Garnet ask from behind her shoulder. 

 

Pearl took a sip of the wine cooler. The carbonated bubbles jumped down her throat. “That’s Greg,” Pearl said, emphasizing the ending “g.”  Although she didn’t know it at the time, it would become something she would continue to do for the next decade. She chugged her wine cooler and then grabbed another from one of the coolers on the deck. Pearl then began to walk toward Greg and Rose. 

 

“Be nice,” Garnet said. 

 

Pearl turned around. As she walked backward, she said, “Aren’t I always?” and shrugged. 

 

“No. No, you aren’t,” Garnet said as Pearl’s back was facing her once again.“That’s why I’m warning you!” 

 

As she strode across the lawn, Pearl wished she wore something sexier. It was a stupid thing to think of. She began to pick at her cuticles, picking the skin until she felt a warm liquid on the tip of her finger; blood. She sucked on her thumb, hoping it would stop bleeding by the time she got over to Rose. 

 

Since the band was no longer playing, Pearl could hear the music from the stereo indoors being broadcasted outdoors through portable speaker; Amethyst couldn’t plan her way out of a paper bag, but she damn well sure could plan the logistics of music for a rager. Liam Gallagher of Oasis’s voice boomed through the speakers as he sang, “Stop Crying Your Heart Out.” 

 

_Cause all of the stars are fading away. Just try not to worry. You’ll see them someday._

 

Time seemed to slow down. This is how she would lose Rose, Pearl thought; to a man who hasn’t washed his hair in two days. Rose motioned for Pearl to come over. 

  

Rose put her arm around Pearl, who immediately felt warm and safe. 

 

“Pearl’s a great singer too,” Rose said before she planted a soft kiss on Pearl’s cheek. 

 

Pearl blushed, not knowing if it was from the kiss or from the compliment. “I’m okay.” 

 

“She’s being modest,” Rose said, “she’s great.” 

 

“I would love to hear you some--” Greg began to say. 

 

“I need to go to the bathroom,” Pearl said, nodding. She turned around and began to walk back toward the house. She didn’t need Greg’s compliments.

 

“She’s in a weird mood today,” she heard Rose tell Greg. 

 

Perl grabbed three wine coolers from the cooler on the deck and went inside. She navigated through the crowds and went upstairs. She knew Amethyst’s dad had an office around there somewhere. She slowly opened the doors in the upstairs hallway, hoping she didn’t end up in an occupied room. 

 

Luckily, she found the study on her first try. It was a bare room, besides the towers of storage boxes filled with files. There was also a desk with a computer. Pearl sat down and put her feet up on the desk and then opened one of the wine coolers. 

 

For a moment she stared at a picture of Amethyst as a child. Her hair was brown and she was playing on monkey bars, forcing a smile for the camera like her mother kept telling her to smile even though Amethyst seemed more interested in the playground. 

 

She should be with Rose right now. If Rose knew what Pearl was doing, she would be upset; this was a party and Pearl should have fun. 

 

Amethyst, to Pearl’s surprise, then popped into the room. Pearl jumped out of her seat and said, “Jesus, you scared me.” 

 

“I came up here to get...” Amethyst trailed off. She went over to the bookcase and took out _War and Peace_. She opened the book and revealed two joints, wrapped in a plastic bag hiding in the spine. “...Why the long face?’ Amethyst asked. “Not getting any from Rose this week?” 

 

“Please refrain from discussing my sex life with Rose.” 

 

“Why? Cause you get all hot and bothered?” Amethyst teased. “I know what you need.” She waved the plastic baggy in front of Pearl. Amethyst lit the joint, inhaled and handed it to Pearl. 

 

Pearl inhaled and forced herself to not cough. “I’m scared.” 

 

“Of what?” 

 

“That I’m not good enough.” 

 

Amethyst sat down on one of the towers of file boxes. “We’re all scared P. The trick is to lower your expectations. Then you care less.” She said this as this was the obvious answer to life. 

 

“I can’t lower my expectations.” Pearl took another hit of the joint and then gave it back to Amethyst. 

 

“Then get ready to live a life of hell,” Amethyst said before taking a hit. “You see all these boxes here?” 

 

Pearl nodded. 

 

“These are all of the cases my dad is working on right now. Most of them are fucking horrifying. These files,” Amethyst gestured to the boxes, “are filled with the life stories of assholes. My father worries, ALL. THE. TIME. If he’s going to get these assholes acquitted for all the shitty shit they do. He usually does. However, to me, it seems like a whole lot of a fucking waste of time to waste his energy on. As a lawyer, he could be better than that. See, the trick is, P, is to stop worrying. Sometimes you can’t control what's gonna happen."

 

Just as Pearl was going to answer, a man’s voice said, “Hey Amethyst, are you sure it’s okay if I park my van near the end of the driveway for the night? I don’t want to block anyone in.” Greg, the singer from the Flaming Lips wannabee band, knocked on the doorframe. “Is it okay if I come in?”  

 

“It’s no biggie,” Amethyst said. “Here.” She offered Greg a toke. He accepted the joint from Amethyst and took a drag. 

 

Pearl had no reason to be weary of him. He just looked at Rose. You can’t hate someone for looking, can you? 

 

“This is Pearl,” Amethyst said. 

 

“We’ve met,” Pearl said. 

 

“You can call her P,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Please don’t call me P,” Pearl said, sighing. 

 

“She may look like a nerd and talk like a nerd,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I’m not a nerd,” Pearl said. 

 

“Actually, she's total nerd,” Amethyst said. She grabbed Pearl by the shoulder into an awkward side-hug.  

 

“I don’t think you’re nerd,” Greg said to Pearl, shaking his head. 

 

Amethyst ignored Greg and pointed to Pearl, “But she’s got game. She’s a rebel. This nerd here, routinely bangs sorority girls; hot blonde ones with tight asses.” 

 

“Amethyst!” Pearl said with a serious, annoyed tone. She glared at Amethyst. Pearl thought she sounded like her own mother. It bothered her. 

 

“What? You said, just don’t discuss your sex life with Rose, nothing about your sex life with other people,” Amethyst said before adding with a whisper, “I’m talking you up, so he knows he has no chance with Rose.” 

 

“How drunk are you?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Uh, this is my house, P,” Amethyst said. “I am freaking plastered. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.” 

 

Pearl shook her head. Amethyst always knew the perfect way to embarrass someone. She made it into an art-form. 

 

“Oooh snap!” Amethyst said, “I’m gonna start a bonfire.” 

 

“Please make sure a sober person is supervising,” Pearl said. 

 

“You want to supervise?” Amethyst asked. “Cause I know Greggy here is not sober.” 

 

“Amethyst, I just smoked a joint with you,” Pearl said. “Find Rose before you do anything. She’ll help you.” 

 

“Aaye, aye, capin” Amethyst said with salute motion. She started to walked down the stairs, but she turned around and said, “But seriously, Greg, if you need any advice on pleasing a woman, Pearl will give you some tips for some insane tongue moves, you’d never have even thought o--” 

 

“Amethyst!” Pearl said, almost yelling. 

 

“Do you know, you’re like the only person who can get pissed after smoking a joint?” 

 

Pearl slightly smiled, “Go make a bonfire.” 

 

“On it,” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl was left alone with Greg. Her face reddened, blushing. “She likes to embarrass me,” Pearl explained. 

 

“I have a kid brother who’s the same way,” Greg said. 

 

“O-kay,” Pearl said. She did not wish to engage in conversation with this Gregory Universe. 

 

“So you’re with Rose? Like in a romantic way?”Greg asked as he scratched the back of his neck. 

 

Pearl nodded at Greg.“Yes. We live together,” she said and then went down stairs. 

 

_First the mic, then half a cigarette._

 

Elliot Smith’s “Waltz #2” played on the stereo speakers. 

 

_She shows no emotion at all._

_Stares into space like a dead china doll_

 

Pearl walked out into the back yard. Amethyst was sitting by the campfire. Rose was standing next to her, feeding the fire to grow hotter. Rose saw Pearl and stood up. “Pearl!” she said loudly, “Come and dance with me.” 

 

“To Elliot Smith?” Pearl asked. “Isn’t that kind of depressing?”

 

“Only if you make it depressing,” Rose said. She reached out for Perl’s hand and grasped it into her own, pulling Pearl close into her. 

 

_In the place where I make no mistakes_

_In the place where I have what it takes_

 

Pearl could smell Rose’s soap; it smelled like coconut. She hugged Rose, holding her tightly. It was not graceful. They swayed back and forth. Pearl was drunk. As a professional dancer could make it be beautiful, but this was an Elliot Smith song. She desperately hung onto Rose, burying her face into Rose’s chest, gripping her arms like Rose would float away. 

 

_I’m never gonna know you now, but I’m gonna love you anyhow_

 

After the party, Rose drove a slightly drunk Pearl home. As they entered their apartment, Pearl said, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Rose said, giving Pearl a worried look. 

 

“Really?’ 

 

Rose nodded. She locked the door and wrapped her arms around Pearl, kissing her. “Nothing, okay?’ 

 

Pearl nodded. She looked over at the clock on the stove. It was half-past three in the morning. 

 

“I’m gonna brush my teeth and stuff,” Rose said. She pecked Pearl on the forehead and went into the bathroom. 

 

Pearl walked over to the kitchen counter and pressed play on the answering machine and listened to her messages. 

 

“You have five missed messages,” the answering machine said. 

 

  1. Yo. This is Amethyst. Where the hell are you?
  2. Amethyst again. Stop fucking each other and get over here. 
  3. Pearl, this is Peridot. They want you to come into the firm for 9:00am on your first day. Don’t be late. I know you wont, but I felt like I had to say it. I know I also said wear a skirt. I was wrong. Wear pants. 
  4. Sweetie? It’s mom. I’m at Aberdeen Hospital. Your father...



 

Pearl blacked out for a second. The next thing she knew, she was absently, yet frantically packing a suitcase in the bedroom. She didn’t even fold her pants. She didn’t care. Everything was strewn about the room. She was throwing everything from her drawers into the suitcase. 

 

“Pearl?” Rose asked as she walked into their bedroom. “What the hell are you doing?” 

 

“Packing,” Pearl said with empty eyes. She tried to zip the suitcase, but the zipper became stuck. “It’s stuck,” Pearl said with tears in her eyes. 

 

“Are you okay?” Rose asked. She slowly walked up to Pearl and took her into an embrace from behind. Pearl relented and stopped trying to zip the suitcase. 

 

“My father had a stroke,” Pearl said. “He was--He was out on the boat and they couldn’t get--they couldn’t get to him right away. He’s alive, but...I don’t know what’s going to happen to him.”

 

“What?” Rose said. “I need to start packing my stuff!” 

 

Pearl swallowed, hard. Her throat was dry. She felt like cotton balls were stuck in her throat. “I-I don’t know when I’m going to come back.” 

 

“But if you don’t take this job at that engineering firm--” 

 

“I know. I’ll lose my Visa status.” 

 

“Pearl, no. You can’t--” Rose shook her head. “I’ll-I’ll come with you and I-I’ll help. And -and we can still find you a job in Delmarva. You can fly out to interviews. 

 

“I don’t have the money for that,” Pearl said. 

 

“I’ll give you my savings,” Rose said. 

 

“That’s for-for your grad school,” Pearl said. 

 

“Fuck grad school,” Rose shook her head. “No. I am going and I’m going to--I will marry you in Ontario, Pearl.” 

 

“I can’t marry you,” Pearl said. This wasn’t realistic. Rose needed to go to grad school. Pearl bit her lip, knowing the worst possible thing she could say to Rose. 

 

“Why not?” Rose asked. 

 

“Because it was a joke,” Pearl said. 

 

“I wasn’t joking,” Rose said. 

 

Pearl swallowed hard. Rose was talking nonsense. There was no possibly way for this to work out; especially now that Pearl had to go back to Nova Scotia. Pearl felt like her chest was being stabbed. She couldn’t handle this; she couldn’t let Rose live her life waiting for her to come back to Delmarva, so she said the worst possible thing that came to her mind, “I’m only twenty-two. You can’t be serious.I’m not ready for that and it’s-it’s not even fucking legal anywhere else. Toronto isn’t even near Nova Scotia. It’s three time zones away.” She buried her face in her hands, ashamed.  

 

“I’m sorry I suck at Canadian geography,” Rose said. Her eyes were closed and her lips were pursed. 

 

“Just don’t give me the same pie-in-the-sky-spiel you gave to Isaac,” Pearl said. 

 

“I didn’t give a spiel to Isaac. I never talked about marrying him. I didn’t want to. He sprung it on me,” Rose said as she restrained herself from crying. She stood in silence, staring at the bland, tan carpet of their apartment. Rose sat down on their bed; facing away from Pearl. “When’s your flight?” Rose managed to ask. 

 

“My mom got me a ticket for a 1:30 flight out of Laguardia. I’m going to take the train to Empire City to--” 

 

“I’ll drive you.” 

 

“You don’t have to do that.” 

 

“It’s four more hours I get to spend with you.” Rose then turned toward Pearl and said, “I know you didn’t mean it. I know you’d marry me if you could.” 

 

“I can’t take it back,” Pearl said. “You can’t follow me to Nova Scotia.” Suddenly, she felt Rose grab her, bringing her close. She could feel Rose’s tears on her forehead. 

 

Rose then looked Pearl in the eyes, pushing a strand of strawberry blonde hair away from her face. “I’ll be here when you come back.” 

 

“I’m not though,” Pearl said. “I know I can’t come back. You should go on your Year of Rose trip and--”

 

Rose put her finger to Pearl’s lips, which reminded Pearl of the manic gestures Rose gave on the night they met. “You’ll come back. I know you will.”


	4. If You Have a Shorty, but You Don’t Show Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being wicked long. So I broke the year 2003 into two chapters.

January 2003

Pearl sat in a wooden chair. Her great-grandfather made it back in the 1800s. It was ornate and uncomfortable. The carvings were beautiful swirls and patterns, but the lumbar support was lacking. She stared down at a chessboard. She was losing and she was okay with that. 

 

Across from her was her father. He had strawberry red hair and a greying mustache. His  mouth drooped to the side: the left half of his face had been paralyzed in a stroke.  Pearl had to speak slowly so he could understand her. He dragged his left foot when he walked. Mostly he sat. Since he came home from the hospital, Pearl began helping him around the house; making sure he could eat, helping him walk, talking to him, and most importantly making sure his brain was developing again. So they played chess. For hours and hours. 

 

At first Pearl won every game. Now, her father had developed enough to remember the moves. He could strategize. Pearl wanted to lose; something she never wanted to happened before the stroke. It used to be a challenge to beat him. He was skilled at chess from all of the hours he had spent at sea playing with the crew. 

 

Pearl tugged at the grey, knit fisherman’s hat she wore. It used to be her father’s. Now she wore it as some sort of security blanket. 

 

“Not gonna work,” her father said as she picked up the bishop. 

 

“I disagree,” Pearl said. 

 

“Not gonna work,” her father said. This was not a joke. He legitimately did not comprehend what she just said. 

 

“I,” Pearl said and paused between the words, “disagree.” 

 

Then he laughed, causing Pearl to also crack up. She reluctantly moved her bishop across the black and grey tiles. 

 

“You’re gonna lose,” her father said. He used his right hand to move a rook. “How’s the job going? Any cute girls there?” 

 

Pearl smirked. He loved to bother her about the “cute girls.” “It’s going well,” she said slowly. “Not many good tips this month since it’s the off-season.” 

 

“You should be an engineer,” he said. “That’s where the money is.” 

 

“There’s plenty of time for that later,” Pearl said as she stared at the chess board.

 

“What about the cute girls?” 

 

“There’s a cute girl,” Pearl said. She moved a pawn; a stalling move. 

 

“You should ask her on a date,” her father said. 

 

“She’s not into me,” Pearl said. 

 

“She said that?” her father asked. The right side of his face looked surprised. Parent were always in disbelief at the thought someone did not like you. 

 

“No,” Pearl shook her head. “I can tell these things by now. If that makes sense.” 

 

“It don’t,” he said. 

 

“I’m going to start lunch,” Pearl said, deflecting the topic of conversation. “Do you need help getting up?” 

 

“Yep,” Her father said. 

 

Pearl stood in front of his, extending her arm. He pulled on to her, his entire weight of almost two hundred pounds, resting on her shoulder as she assisted him in walking into the kitchen and to sit down at the dinette set. 

 

“How’d you get this strong?” her father asked. 

 

“Ballet,” Pearl said. 

 

“Why don’t you do that anymore?” 

 

“Not sure,” Pearl said. It had been a year since she last danced. 

 

“I remember when you were about seven and you had that recital. You messed up and cried your eyes out. We told you it was okay though. We told you mistakes were okay, but you wouldn’t have any of it.” 

 

Pearl didn’t say anything. Mistakes were not okay. Mistakes are the reason she’s here right now.  She made a mistake not letting Rose come here with her.

 

Pearl made some soup. It was easy for her father to eat with one hand.  

 

They didn’t talk much at lunch. Pearl’s eyes never left her father. She wanted to make sure he was swallowing his food properly. 

 

In the afternoons, she played piano. She didn’t write any songs. Instead, she sat on the bench and created covers of popular music. Right now she was covering ‘Wanna Be,’ by The Spice Girls. She only did popular music. She felt like it could only be improved upon. 

 

She could perform the entirety of the top forty chart and most of Billy Joel. 

 

It was mindless. It was a distraction. 

 

At four thirty, her mother would come home and they would switch “shifts.”

 

“Hi sweetie,” Pearl’s mother said as she entered the kitchen. She looked at Pearl, who was dressed in her waiter’s uniform, but still had the grey fishing hat on. “Oh would you please take that god awful hat off.” 

 

“It’s cold out,” Pearl said. She sighed. Her mother hated this hat. 

 

“You’re gonna attract weirdos if you wear that hat.” 

 

“Weirdos?” Pearl asked, chuckling. 

 

“I don’t know,” her mother shook her head, “I’m just trying to fathom the type of woman who would be attracted to you wearing that hat.” 

 

“No woman,” Pearl said. “There’d have to be some other lesbians around here for that to happen.” 

 

“I suppose that’s true,” he mother said, frowning. “are you going to go out after work? With that friend of yours...Veronica is it?” 

 

“Mom,” Pearl said. “You know her name. Don’t pretend you don’t.” 

 

Pearl had made the mistake of mentioning Veronica to her mother once. At dinner, once, she told a story about how Veronica broke an entire dish rack in the kitchen at the restaurant. 

 

“Are you, you know, romantically interested in--” 

 

“She’s not gay,” Pearl said. “She has boyfriend named Jack. He’s a fisherman.” 

 

“Oh,” her mother said. She looked disappointed. “That’s a shame.” She perked up and said, “You never know though! Maybe you’ll meet someone if you go out after.”

 

“I feel like you really want me to go out after my shift tonight,” Pearl said. She leaned against the kitchen wall and narrowed her eyes. She could tell her mother was worried about her. 

 

“You just hardly leave the house besides for work or the grocery store.” 

 

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” Pearl said. 

 

“Have fun!” her mother said. “Go kiss some girls, get drunk, sing along to the music at da club.” 

 

Pearl winced, ‘Don’t say ‘at da club.’  Also there are no clubs around here.”

 

“I think it would be good for you to do something after work with your work friends,” her mother said. She put her purse on the table and took off her heavy jacket. She was a slim woman, much like Pearl, and her black sweater showed how thin she was. 

 

“It’s quarter of. I gotta go,” Pearl said. “Love you.” 

 

“Love you,” he mother said. 

 

Pearl left the house and put her large soundproof headphones on. Simon and Garfunkel’s “Scarborough Fair,” played. Folk music calmed her down. 

 

_“She once was a true love of mine,” Paul Simon sang._

 

As Pearl walked down the old, asphalt road away from her parent’s cottage, she started to smell the sea, which meant she was close to town. The town rested on the shore. The docks took up most of the waterfront. It was a small, cozy town to live in. Small tourist shops and restaurants made up the down town. When it was a tourist season, the streets were packed. Now, in January, snow lined the streets, ice invaded the roads, the air was biting, and the streets were quiet like a ghost town. 

 

Pearl curled up into her scarf and wished she was in Florida, just for a moment. She didn’t even really like the state of Florida, she just wanted to feel the warm sunshine on her face for a minute. If only she could teleport anywhere she wanted to go. Instead, she was trapped here in Nova Scotia. 

 

Rose would like it here, Pearl thought as she got closer to the downtown. It was adorable if you hadn’t grown up here. The buildings were painted bright colors, making the town pop from the distance. 

 

When Pearl walked by the dock, a well built young guy with dark eyes and dark hair unloading something from a boat was staring at her. Pearl thought he might be an Inuit, although she didn’t like to presume such things. He leaned against the exterior wall of the local grocery store McDooggan’s, smoking a cigarette.He then shyly waved to her, which made her feel uncomfortable. She pulled her jacket up close to her face and began walking faster. 

 

She arrived at the restaurant, Marnie’s, through the back of the kitchen. Her face was bright red, stinging from the wind. 

 

“Cold out there?” the sous chef asked Pearl. 

 

“Is it ever warm out there?” Pearl asked as she took her coat off and put it in the manager’s office. She clocked in, looked at the map for her table section, and opened the swinging doors into the dining room; it was empty. 

 

Pearl looked around at her tables. No one was there. Veronica, a tall woman with dark hair, was serving an older couple. 

 

“How’s everything going?” Pearl heard Veronica say to some customers. 

 

“Good,” the old couple nodded together in unison. 

 

Veronica faked a smile to the couple. She turned around, spotted Pearl, and then stuck her tongue out to show her disdain for the job. “It is fucking dead in here,” Veronica said. 

 

“Great,” Pearl said with sarcasm. She crossed her arms, smirking at Veronica, subtly trying to burst into a full blown smile. Veronica had warm, brown eyes that made Pearl want to melt. She smelled like strawberries. When she walked by, Pearl could catch a hint of her scent. But Veronica had Jack. 

 

“Jack’s having a party later tonight,” Veronica said. “You wanna come?” 

 

“I don’t know,” Pearl said. 

 

“You never come though,” Veronica said. “Come on. Have some fun.” 

 

“I don’t want to drink at a party and then drive home.” 

 

“I’ll drive you home. I don’t plan on drinking that much tonight.” Veronica said. Then she nudged Pearl’s shoulder with her own. “Please?” 

 

Suddenly, Pearl heard Rose’s voice, “ _Let’s go...”_

 

Rose would want to go to this, Pearl thought. She would drag Pearl there, like she always did, despite Pearl wanting to stay home. 

 

“Okay,” Pearl said, smiling. “I’ll go.” 

 

“Awesome,” Veronica said as her eyes scanned the room. “That couple looks done. I better give them their check,” she said before darting away. 

 

Pearl served her tables, resenting how dead the town was in January. She barely made fifty dollars. 

 

While cashing out at the end of the night, she counted her tips at one of the empty tables. Veronica sat down across from her, plopping down carelessly. Sometimes she reminded Pearl of Amethyst, which made her shudder in terror that she might be slightly attracted in some way to Amethyst of all people. 

 

“How’d you do?” Veronica asked. 

 

“Not well,” Pearl said. She rested her head in her arms on the table. 

 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Veronica said it like she was scolding Pearl. “You can’t fall asleep yet. We got shit to do.” 

 

“I’m not sleepy,” Pearl said. “Just disappointed.” 

 

“It’s one night. Once the summer comes, you’ll be able to make it rain every night.” 

 

“Make it rain?” Pearl said with a short laugh and she looked up at Veronica. 

 

“You’ve never heard that before?” 

 

“Can’t say I have.” 

 

“It’s like you’ll have so much cash, you can throw it up in the air and have it rain money,” Veronica said. 

 

Pearl began to giggle. The thought of being showered with money was ridiculous. 

 

“We gotta go,” Veronica said looking at her watch. “Jack’s going to be annoyed if I’m late.” 

 

Pearl nodded and followed Veronica out of the restaurant. Her Saturn was parked on the road of a side street. Veronica unlocked Pearl’s side of the car first. “I don’t have electronic locks,” Veronica said, “So I’m unlocking your side first because I’m a gentleman.” 

 

“A gentleman?’ Pearl asked. Her forehead crinkled. She tried to decipher if Veronica was flirting with her. She hated these kinds of interactions; it was why she never initiated. 

 

“It’s a joke,” Veronica said with a chuckle as she got into the driver’s seat. She put a mix tape into the cassette player. TLC’s “No Scrubs,” began to play. 

 

“Oh,” Pearl said as she sat in the car. 

 

Veronica sang along. Her voice was soft, off-key, but in a way that Pearl loved. When you have a crush on someone, anything they do is mesmerizing. 

 

_“If you don't have a car and you're walking_

_Oh yea son I'm talking to you_

_If you live at home wit' your momma_

_Oh yes son I'm talking to you (baby)_

_If you have a shorty but you don't show love_

_Oh yes son I'm talking to you_

_Wanna get with me with no money_

_Oh no I don't want no”_

 

Veronica then rapped Left-Eye’s verse, almost perfectly. 

 

“Wow,” Pearl said. “How’d you get so good at that?” 

 

“I have a lot of time on my hands,” Veronica said. “Especially when Jack’s out on the boat for weeks.” 

 

“Oh, I understand having way too much time on your hands,” Pearl said. 

 

“I heard a rumor you were smart though,” Veronica said. 

 

“What do mean?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Didn’t you go to college for like math or something and like get magna cum laude?” 

 

“It was engineering,” Pearl said, “and it was summa cum laude.” 

 

“Why aren’t you engineering?” 

 

“It’s not really called, ‘engineering.’ Like I wouldn’t use it as a verb,” Pearl said. “I had to come home and take a break.” 

 

“Oh,” Veronica said with a nod. 

 

Pearl didn’t understand why Veronica was asking these questions. The whole town knew what happened to her father. 

 

“What did you want to do?’ Veronica asked, “I don’t think it was waitressing.” 

 

“I wanted to get into environmental engineering,” Pearl said. “Through the use of fluid dynamics and applied mathematics I wanted to reduce the pollution of buildings and transport vehicles with a specific focus on hydrology through wastewater treatment and stream restoration design.”

 

“O-kay,” Veronica said. “Explain that to me like I’m five?” 

 

“I want to make water less polluted by making buildings and transport vehicles be more environmentally friendly,” Pearl said. 

 

“Oh, that is something I can dig,” Veronica said. “You should be doing that instead of waiting tables. Change the world, right?” 

 

Pearl shrugged. “I like waiting tables for now. I don’t need to change the world.” 

 

“Everyone should want to change the world,” Veronica said as she put her car in park. They were in the driveway of an older house. The shutters were falling down and the tan paint was peeling off the cedar siding. “Here we are.” 

 

Pearl followed Veronica into the house. Eminem’s “Lose Yourself,” was playing. Dozens of people were standing in circles, talking while holding drinks. It wasn’t an Amethyst party, but it was at lest something to do instead of playing music alone in her room. 

 

“Come meet Jack,” Veronica said. She grabbed Pearl’s hand and dragged her across the living room. Pearl felt like she was having deja vu. It was just like Rose used to do. Veronica’s hand was cold, but her skin was smooth.  

 

“Jack!” Veronica said as she was gesturing to a tall, handsome guy with an unkept beard.

 

“Hey!” Jack said as he took Veronica in a large bear hug; lifting her off the ground which caused her hand to release Pearl’s grip.  “This is Pearl!”

 

“Pearl?!” Jack said with excitement. He twirled Veronica around as he still embraced her and then set her down. “Hey! So glad to meet you, Pearl! You are seriously the only thing that makes Ronnie get through her shift at that restaurant. She says you’re hilarious.” 

 

“I wouldn’t say I’m hilarious,” Pearl said. 

 

“That’s not what I hear,” Jack said. “You want a beer?” 

 

“Um, okay,” Pearl said. 

 

“Be right back,” Jack said. He left to go into the kitchen. 

 

From across the room, Pearl saw the man from earlier; the one who was smoking outside the grocery store. He was slowly approaching her like she was a force to be reckoned with. 

 

“Can we go into the kitchen?” Pearl whispered to Veronica. 

 

“Yeah, sure,” Veronica said. “You hungry or something?” 

 

“No. I just...like kitchens,” Pearl said. 

 

“Oh okay,” Veronica said with a sigh. “ I kinda want to dance though.” 

 

“We can dance in the kitchen!’ Pearl said as she practically pushed Veronica into the kitchen. A dozen or so guys were standing against the kitchen walls and counters sipping beers. 

 

“Pearl,” Veronica whispered in her ear. Her hot breath made Pearl shiver. “Only weirdos hang out in the kitchen.” 

 

“I can see that,” Pearl said. 

 

“Can we dance now?” 

 

“Okay,” Pearl said. 

 

“What’s Luv,” by Fat Joe was playing. Pearl was unsure about how to dance to this. She listened to punk. You just jumped up and down to a guitar rift. She could dance ballet, but this wasn’t ballet. Pearl tried to sway back and forth as Veronica moved her hips to the music. 

 

“I can’t dance to this,” Pearl said. 

 

“What?” Veronica asked. The music was too loud. She didn’t hear Pearl. 

 

Pearl sighed as a beer was shoved in front of her face by Jack. “Ignition Remix,” by R Kelly started to play. He stood behind, Veronica, pulling her close to him. For a moment, she was reminded of Diana and Derek, only Jack didn’t seem like a complete douche bag. She felt awkward, so she chugged her beer and excused herself to the bathroom. 

 

Before she went upstairs she did two shots of tequila in the kitchen and then grabbed another beer. As she ascended the rickety staircase, she heard R. Kelly sing: _“I’m like so what I’m drunk. It’s the freakin’ weekend baby. I’m about to have some fun.”_

 

Pearl found en empty bedroom. It smelled like mold and body spray. She looked at the landline telephone. She sat down on the bed and noticed this person had _Star Wars_ bed sheets. She picked up the phone and dialed. 

 

The phone rang several times. She didn’t want it to go to the answering machine. 

 

“Yo,” the woman’s voice said on the other end. 

 

“Amethyst?” Pearl said. “It’s Pearl. 

 

“I could tell,” Amethyst said with a yawn. “You’re the only person who would sound that dorky.” 

 

“Very funny," Pearl said with a smile. 

 

“You drunk, P?” 

 

“A little,” Pearl said. “Ame, Ame have you...you know...” 

 

“Boise,” Amethyst said. “She’s in Boise. And then they're off to somewhere in Montana. I can't remember the name.” 

 

“Oh okay,” Pearl said. “And she’s fine and--”

 

“P, I’m gonna do you a favor, okay? And it’s only cause I love you like a sister, got it?” 

 

“Uh-ha,” Pearl said. She knew what Amethyst was going to say and it was going to break her heart. 

 

“Forget about Rose,” Amethyst said. “Please? For your sake.” 

 

“I can’t though,” Pearl said at the verge of tears. Her voice was cracking and there was nothing she could do to compose herself. 

 

“Listen to some Joni Mitchell and forget about her,” Amethyst said. “Find someone that loves you and only you. You can’t operate like this. It’s killing you inside.” 

 

“Why are you so wise at two in the morning?” 

 

“I’m wise all the time,” Amethyst said. “You just don’t listen to me unless you're drunk and it’s two am.” 

 

Pearl laughed as she wiped the tears away from her eyes. “Yeah. I guess that’s true.” 

 

“How’s your dad doing?” 

 

“Better. A lot better actually,” Pearl said. “He beat me at chess today.” 

 

“No way. That’s freaking awesome!” 

 

“I know,” Pearl said. 

 

“You should come visit soon or else I’m gonna take a road trip up to there with Garnet.” 

 

“You say it like it’s a threat,” Pearl said. 

 

“It is a threat,” Amethyst said. She yawned again. “You hiding upstairs at a party?” 

 

“How’d you know?” Pearl asked. 

 

“It’s your M.O.” Amethyst said. “I know you like a book P. Come back to Beach City someday, you got it? I'll have a party in your honor and you can hide upstairs.” 

 

Pearl nodded, except Amethyst couldn’t see her. It didn’t matter though. She had a feeling Amethyst knew she nodded. 


	5. Lean a Little Bit Closer

January 2003 (continued)

 

In the living room, the guy with the warm brown eyes heard Pearl walk down the stairs. He smiled at her, which made Pearl feel uneasy. She could tell he liked her.  Mostly everyone had left. Pearl wondered how long she had been on the phone with Amethyst. 

 

“Have you seen Veronica?” she asked the guy as she adjusted her knit fishing hat. 

 

“She’s upstairs with Jack,” he said. 

 

Pearl leaned her head back. “Of course she is.” 

 

“Why you looking for her?” 

 

“She’s my ride home,” Pearl said. 

 

He cringed and said, “Yeah, they’re probably going to be a while.” 

 

“Perfect,” Pearl said with sarcasm. She then sat at the piano in the living room, hoping to pass the time and the guy would leave her alone. It was out of tune, to Pearl’s dismay. She bent down and tuned the piano. To her excitement, the guy left the room. She thought the horrible sound of the out of tune piano caused him to leave.  

 

When the keys sounded right again, she began to play the few parts of Chopin’s Nocturne OP9 No. 2 she remembered. She knew she was playing badly, but she was drunk. Her piano teacher would be disgusted. 

 

To Pearl’s annoyance, the last remaining guy then shyly walked over to her with two beers. He placed one on the piano top board, which Pearl picked up, still playing the piano with one of her hands, and set it down next to her on the carpeted floor. “You’ll ruin the wood doing that,” she said. 

 

“Sorry,” the guy said.

 

“Do you live here too?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Yeah,” the guy smiled. “Actually my room is right down the hall if you’re interested in--” 

 

“I’m fine here,” Pearl said. “This your piano?” 

 

“It’s my roommate’s grandma’s piano,” he said. “None of us actually play the piano.” 

 

“I could tell,” Pearl said without looking up from the keyboard. “It was really out of tune. I had to fix it.” 

 

After a few minutes, the guy said, “I like your hat. You look really cute in it.” 

 

Pearl laughed to herself. The guy appeared to be offended. He hung his head down low. 

 

“Nice try,” Pearl said. “I know this hat is horrible. It’s my dad’s old fisherman hat.” 

 

“Really?” he asked, excited. “I’m a fisherman! That’s actually why I like the hat. Wasn’t just flattery. It was honest flattery.” 

 

“Cool,” Pearl said, ignoring his flirtation. 

 

“I probably know your dad.” 

 

“Maybe,” Pearl said. She sighed.

 

The guy stared at Pearl for a moment. Pearl imagined he was half-expecting her to continue the conversation. “You have a boyfriend, don’t you?” he asked. 

 

Pearl shook her head as she pounded down on the piano keys. She stopped for a moment and took a swig of the beer. She switched to playing Gershwin’s preludes...at least the parts she remembered.

 

“Okay,” the guy said as he crinkled his forehead. “Wow. You’re really awesome at this. Seriously, this sounds really cool. What is it?” 

 

“Gershwin,” Pearl said. She looked over at the guy next to her. He had this dazed look in his eyes, which made Pearl feel uneasy. “I hate to break this to you.” 

 

“Break what?” he asked, teasing her with a smile. 

 

“You have the unfortunate luck of hitting on me; the only girl left at this party.”

 

“I wouldn’t say that’s unfortunate,” he said. “Especially when the last girl is as hot as you. Honestly, I’m pretty fucking surprised you didn’t go home with another guy.” 

 

“That’s because I don’t like guys,” Pearl said. 

 

He paused for a moment and took a swig of his beer. “Seriously?” 

 

“Quite unlucky for you,” Pearl said. She moved her hands gracefully across the piano keys. 

 

“You sure?” 

 

“That I like girls?” 

 

He nodded. 

 

“One thousand percent sure,” Pearl said. 

 

“How’d you know?” 

 

“I’ve always known,” Pearl said. 

 

“You’ve ever been with a guy?” 

 

Pearl scrunched up her nose and shook her head. 

 

“Then how do you know?” 

 

Pearl took her hands off the keyboard. “Ah the inevitable, ‘have sex with me to see if you’re really a lesbian,’ come on. Nice, but really,” she rolled her eyes and continued playing the piano, “ _come on_.” 

 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “Sorry, I seriously did not mean to come off like that. I’m genuinely curious.” 

 

“It’s like,” Pearl paused and took a sip of her beer, “you know how back when _Titanic_ came out, all the girls were obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio and they saw the movie like ten times just to see him dance round with a cigarette in his mouth?” 

 

“Well yeah,” he said, smirking. “I mean, I also went and saw _Titanic_ like ten times, but for different reasons.” 

 

“You and I went ten times for the same reason,” Pearl rose her eyebrows at him, "the drawing scene with Kate Winslet. Plus, it would be a waste of these finger skills if I liked guys,” Pearl smirked at him as she jazzed up the song, “It’s a public service, really.” 

 

She concluded she was drunk. She never would have said that sober. She never would have talked to a guy romantically interested in her for this long if she was sober. 

 

Pearl watched him take another sip of his beer. He nodded, “Gotcha. Those really are some nice finger skills.” 

 

“What’s your favorite music genre?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Hip hop,” he said. 

 

“Alright, I can work with that,” Pearl smiled to herself. “I’m gonna surprise you.” 

 

“Like you already haven’t?” the guy said, smiling while shaking his head. 

 

“I used to hate top forty radio,” Pearl said as she continued playing Gershwin. “I hated the commercialization of music...but my ex-girlfriend convinced me that it wasn’t so bad. That I should give it a chance” Pearl saw the guy open his mouth like he was about to say something. “Not give guys a chance. Just top forty radio. This isn’t a metaphor,” Pearl said.  

 

“I know,” he said. 

 

“Good,” Pearl said, “I just wanted to be clear.”  

 

Pearl began to play, “Roses,” by Outkast on the piano. 

 

“No way,” he said. He began to laugh. “Seriously? You know how to play ‘Roses?” 

 

“My ex-girlfriend is named Rose,” Pearl said, smirking. “She probably hates and loves this song at the same time. So naturally I had to learn how to play it.” 

 

“Bad break up, aye?” he asked. 

 

“No. She’s great. I had to break up with her because I was moving back here,” Pearl said with a whisper. 

 

“You’re still in love with her?” he asked. 

 

“Of course,” Pearl said. 

 

“Damn,” he said, taking another sip of his beer. 

 

“Damn is right,” Pearl said as she pounded on the keyboard harder. For a moment, Pearl played the chorus. 

 

Then he began to sing badly and off-key, “ _I know you like to think your shit don’t stank, but lean a little bit closer, see. Roses really smell like boo-booo-boo.”_

 

Pearl then sang, “ _Caroline! See, she's the reason for the word "bitch"”_

 

 _“Bitch!,”_ he said, laughing. 

 

Pearl then said practically rapping, _“I hope she's speeding on the way to the club/Trying ‘to hurry up to get to some/ Baller or singer or somebody like that/ And try to put on her makeup in the mirror/ And crash, crash, craaash...into a ditch! Just playing.”_

 

 _“_ This literally just came out,” he said. “How did you learn the song and create a new arrangement and then freaking memorize the arrangement this fast?” 

 

“I have a lot of time on my hands,” Pearl said. 

 

“How?”

 

“I don’t usually go out. Tonight is an exception. Also, most nights I work at the restaurant and during the day I take care of my father while my Mom is at work,” Pearl said. “He had a stroke. That’s why I came back home after going to college in the States. I mostly take care of him and play the piano. It gets me through it...also zoloft helps too.” 

 

His face scrunched up before letting out a loud sigh. He looked at her with wide, depressed eyes, “Is your dad, Paul McBain?” 

 

Pearl nodded. She stopped playing the piano. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he said. 

 

“I know,” Pearl said. “So am I.” 

 

“Can we be friends?” he asked. 

 

“I would like that,” Pearl said as she continued playing the rest of the song. “As long as you know you don’t have a chance.” 

 

“No chance at all?” 

 

“Only if hell freezes over.” 

 

“Deal,” he said. “My name’s Sean.” 

 

“Nice to officially meet you, Sean,” she said, then began to sing, “ _Better come back to Mars/ Girl quit chasing cars/ What happens when the dough gets low?/Bitch you ain’t that fine/ No waaay. No wayyyy. No wayyyy_.” 

 

He looked back at her and laughed. “Can you learn ‘Changes,’ by Tupac for me?” 

 

“Oh, I already know that. It’s a rearrangement of the song,’The Way It Is,’” Pearl said with a laugh. “My piano teacher made me learn it in Junior High school.”  

 

As Pearl began to play song for him, Veronica came down the stairs. “Pearl! You can play Tupac?” 

 

“Yup,” Pearl sighed. She smiled up at her friend and said, “Also this.” She began to play “Wannabee.” 

 

“You’re a goof,” Veronica said. “Alright, let’s go. It’s like almost 4am.” 

 

“I’m with you on that,” Pearl said, rolling her eyes. She turned to the guy and said, “See you later,” and gave him an awkward hug.

 

Pearl sat in passenger seat of Veronica’s Saturn. Veronica gripped the wheel, tapping the top, like she had something on her mind. 

 

“Do you always come? Like during sex?” Veronica asked. 

 

Pearl’s face contorted into a confused, slightly disgusted look. “Excuse me?” 

 

“Sorry,” Veronica breathed in deep. “I just--he can’t make me come. I can’t ask other people because it will get around town that Jack can’t make me come. And you seem like you would know about it and that you can keep a secret.” 

 

Pearl ruffled her hands through her hair. She didn’t feel like dealing with this nonsense. Her head felt heavy from the beers she had. She rested her head against the window and looked Veronica in her dark brown eyes. It reminded her of that Sleater Kinney song. “ _You have the darkest eyes_ ,” Corin Tucker would beautifully, hauntingly wail. The window glass was cold against the back of her head. “Usually I do,” Pearl said. 

 

“Like one hundred percent of the time?” 

 

“Ninety-eight,” Pearl said. 

 

“I just don’t understand what he’s doing wrong,” Veronica said. She leaned her forehead on the steering wheel. Her dark hair fell over her eyes, obscuring her face. Pearl was tempted to reach out and touch it to see how soft and silky it was. 

 

She didn’t though. 

 

“Tell him to do what you do to yourself,” Pearl said. 

 

“Like blurt out instructions?” Veronica asked. She seemed mortified about the entire conversation. 

 

Pearl shrugged. “That’s the only way he’s gonna know.” 

 

Veronica turned her head, looking Pearl dead in the eyes. She reached out and put her hand on Pearl’s arm. 

 

Pearl gulped and for a moment, basked in the small, slight human contact she had been yearning for from Veronica. 

 

“How do you know?” Veronica asked. 

 

“When you have, you know,” Pearl sighed with embarrassement, “The parts, you basically know where to go. I mean, everyone’s different, but the mechanics are the same, you know.” Pearl felt her face become warm. She could tell she was blushing.

 

“Oh,” Veronica said. She held onto the keys in her hands, still reluctant to put the car in drive. 

 

“Also, I mean, I’ve never been with a guy, but--” 

 

“You haven’t?” Veronica asked with disbelief. 

 

“I’m not going to get into it, but my last girlfriend was bisexual. She said with men, it was fast, exciting, electrifying even, but sometimes, you’d get one that didn’t care if you came. It was always about him. That’s how she would know, she said. If they didn’t care about her pleasure, they weren’t worth her time.” 

 

“What about with girls?” Veronica asked slowly with caution as it would lead to something dangerous. 

 

“Slow, passionate, like you are there with her in the moment and know exactly what she wants. We’re more focused on our partner’s needs. I mean, isn’t that part of the fun? Seeing the other person in ecstasy? I don’t know if I can fully describe it,” Pearl said with an almost whisper. 

 

Then Veronica’s hand was on her cheek. Veronica had leaned in close to Pearl’s face. Pearl felt Veronica’s lips on her own. They were soft and tasted like organic beeswax chap stick. Pearl allowed her hands to grasp the silky strands of Veronica’s hair as her tongue softly swirled around Veronica’s. When it started to heat up, Veronica began to lightly bite Pearl’s lower lip, but then Veronica pulled away. 

 

“Are you drunk, Pearl?” 

 

“I am,” Pearl said. “Are you?” 

 

Veronica shook her head “No.” She sighed, “Look I’m sorry.” She rubbed her temples with her hands and said, “This was mistake. Okay? Understand?” 

 

“I understand,” Pearl said with a solemn nod, “this mistake’s happened to me before.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Veronica said. “Okay? I’m sorry.” 

 

“I know,” Pearl said. She sat correctly in her seat, facing the windshield instead of Veronica. 

 

They sat in silence for a moment. Pearl resisted the tears forming in her eyes. 

 

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell anyone,” Pearl said. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Veronica said. She had buried her face in her hands. 

 

“I know,” Pearl said. “You don’t need to keep telling me. Let’s just go now.” 

 

Pearl looked out the car window and saw the bay. She could hear the waves crashing into rocks. Then she missed Rose and thought about where she was at this moment; probably at one of Greg’s concerts in Boise, Idaho, swaying to the space rock music. Pearl could, for some reason, admit to herself that Greg’s music wasn’t that bad. It must have been her blood alcohol level allowing her to consider this. 

 

When Pearl got home, she found her mother sitting in the dark in the kitchen. She could smell coffee. 

 

“How tired are you?” 

 

“I’m still kind of wired,” Pearl said. 

 

“You wanna grab a cup and sit down with me for a second?” 

 

“Okay,” Pearl shrugged. She filled up her cup and put in some half-and half. She sat down across from her mother. 

 

“Did you have fun with your restaurant friends?” 

 

“It was okay,” Pearl said. 

 

“Did you meet a nice girl?” 

 

Pearl shook her head with a smile, “No. Not too many to commit to around here.” 

 

“Thought so,” her mother said. “It’s cause you're wearing that hat.” 

 

Pearl began to crack up. “Yes, mother. It must be the hat and not the demographics.” 

 

Her mother also laughed. She took a long sip of her coffee. “So, I need to tell you something.” 

 

Pearl’s face dropped. 

 

“Not a bad thing!” her mother said. “I’ve done the math and figured out I can retire early so I can take care of your father.”

 

“What?” 

 

“I’m going to cash out my retirement account and take care of him full time,” she said. “That means--” 

 

“You don't need me to anymore?” Pearl asked. "But I want to help and--"

 

“Do you still have that friend that can get you that job with the visa back in Delmarva?” her mother interrupted. 

 

“Peridot? Yes I do,” Pearl said. “Are you sure about this, Mom? I want to help and--”

 

“Of course I’m sure,” her mother said and then added, “You need to go back to where you were happy. You need to go and do what you wanted to do for your life.”

 

 Pearl thought,  _Rose would want me to save the world with her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, the gang is all back in the next chapter.


	6. All I Can Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> April 2004 will also be two chapters (I might end up expanding each year to two chapters). Part II will be posted later this week.

* * *

**April 2004: Part I**

 

The lights were low. Splashes of blue and green briefly illuminated spots around the club, The Temple. 

 

Amethyst sat at the bar. Her eyes scanned the room, checking out who was entering and leaving. She was bored and this was a dangerous feeling for her. “I know everyone here. Literally,” she said. She toyed with her backwards baseball hat’s visor. 

 

Usher’s “Confessions Part II,” played. 

 

_“These are my confessions_

_Just when I thought I said all I can say_

_My chick on the side said she got one on the way_

_These are my confessions_

_Man I'm thrown and I dont know what to do_

_I guess I gotta give you part two of my confessions”_

 

Garnet, who was standing behind the bar, rolled her eyes. 

 

Garnet was the bar manager at The Temple. Amethyst preferred it to the other bars in town because of the atmosphere. Most places in Beach City were wood paneled establishments or tourist traps that had way too much shell decor.  

 

“There are only so many gay people in Delmarva,” Jasper said before she took sip of whiskey. She sat next to Amethyst. 

 

“I’ve either hooked up with, hate, or can’t hook up with because Pearl already did with everyone here,” Amethyst said.  

 

“Because Pearl already did?” Jasper asked. 

 

“It’s complicated,” Amethyst said. “I don’t want to hook up with anyone Pearl has. You wouldn’t understand.” She sighed as she stared at a girl wearing overalls. “See that girl? Overalls? I hooked up with her three months ago. I’m so close to just going to the straight bar down the street. Speaking Pearl, has anyone seen her?” 

 

“Why are you looking for Pearl?” Garnet asked. 

 

“She said she’d be here and she’s the best wingman for when I go to the straight bar,” Amethyst said. 

 

"I still can't believe you go to the straight bar," Jasper said.

 

"I'm pan. I go to all bars. If the person has nice cheekbones, a lucious head of hair, and a certain personality type, I'm game if they're game," Amethyst said, rolling her eyes. "Now where the hell is Pearl?" She stood up on the bar stool to get a better view of The Temple's entrance.

 

“Perri says Pearl’s been working seventy hours a week at work,” Jasper said. “Maybe she’s still there?” 

 

“No way she’s still at work on a Friday. She’ll be here,” Amethyst said as she sat back down on the stool.

 

“Pearl goes to the straight bar?” Garnet asked, raising an eyebrow. 

 

“Yeah. Only when I make her go to be my wingman. Which pisses her off, but if she’s pissed off enough, she does a bunch of lemon-cello shots,” Amethyst said. “The bar has a piano and if you get Pearl drunk enough, she plays this jazzy version of Billy Joel’s ‘Piano Man,’and the entire bar sings along. They love her there. Like every guy comes up to us after.” 

 

“And then she tells them to fuck off?” Garnet asked. 

 

“Pretty much,” Amethyst said. “Then I apologize to them and they give me their number.” 

 

“Now that’s something, I have to see,” Garnet said with a wide smile. “That sounds hilarious.” 

 

“I bet she’s awesome at Billy Joel,” Jasper said with a wistful whisper before taking a sip of her drink. 

 

“Bingo,” Amethyst said. She gestured her drink to across the bar toward a tall, muscular woman with dreadlocks. 

 

“Found someone?” Jasper asked. 

 

“Nope,” Amethyst said. “Found Pearl though. Behind Bismuth.” 

 

Pearl wore a tight, teal dress and a grey leather jacket. She was laughing at something Bismuth said. Her hand rested on Bismuth’s bare arm in obvious flirtation. 

 

“Are they hooking up?” Jasper asked. 

 

“Most likely,” Garnet said. 

 

Jasper sighed as she pounded her fist on the granite counter. 

 

“Easy,” Garnet said. 

 

“You know, J,” Amethyst said, leaning over. “If you want to hook up with her so bad, just go over there and ask her to go home with you.”

 

Jasper narrowed her eyes at Amethyst. “It’s not like that.” 

 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Amethyst said with a mocking tone, “I suppose you love her or something weird like that.”

 

Jasper took a sip of her whiskey and gestured to Garnet to pour her another glass. 

 

“Just,” Amethyst said, “here’s the thing, girl. She’s stuck on my cousin. Like bad. And I want happiness for you and for her, but as long as Rose Cortez roams the Earth, it ain’t gonna happen. Pearl’s a broken bird and she doesn’t even know how fucked up her wings are.” 

 

“How poignant of you, Amethyst,” Garnet said sarcastically. 

 

“Um, that was hella poignant,” Amethyst said and then mumbled under her breath, “if only you knew.” 

 

“You’re drunk, Amethyst,” Garnet said. 

 

“So?” Amethyst asked.

 

“So no more,” Garnet said. “And perhaps you should stop occupying yourself with who Pearl is hooking up with.” 

 

Jasper then rose from her seat. She stuck her chest out and menacingly glared at Amethyst. “You think you’re a clever little shit, don’t you?” 

 

Amethyst peered up at Jasper. Her eyes appeared yellow like a wild animal. Mentally, Amethyst gulped, but she didn’t want to show fear to this large woman. Jasper had over a foot on Amethyst, who was only four foot ten. So Amethyst stood up on the stool to stare down the bushy blonde haired woman.  

 

“What up, J?” Amethyst said through clenched teeth. Outside she appeared tough, inside, she was a terrified little girl who wanted to run away and hide under her covers. 

 

“Say what you said about Pearl again,” Jasper said. Her arms hung by her side, but her hands were clenched into fists. 

 

Amethyst hoped one of those fists was not about to sock her in the mouth. 

 

“No way I'm gonna say that again. You know what? I’m sick of you hanging round us, lusting over Pearl under the guise that you have feelings for her. When really you just want to fuck her brains out until you’re bored with her.” 

 

As Jasper’s arm wound up, Amethyst then quickly added, “Go ahead and try to kick my ass. But just think about what Pearl is going to think when she sees that you’ve destroyed her best friend’s face.” 

 

Jasper mumbled something under her breath and then stormed out of the bar. 

 

“Way to go, Amethyst,” Garnet said, shaking her head in disapproval. 

 

“It’s true though,” Amethyst said as she sat back down. 

 

“You need to be more aware of others’ feelings,” Garnet said. 

 

Amethyst thought that they were the ones who didn’t understand. 

 

“She’ll be fine,” Amethyst said. She sat at the stool, nursing her drink as she observed Pearl across the bar. Pearl was blissfully unaware of what was happening as Bismuth had her pinned against a wall with her thigh between Pearl’s legs. If only Pearl knew what was happening with Rose. Amethyst didn’t have the will to break Pearl’s heart. 

 

“I’m going to the straight bar,” Amethyst said. “They have wood panelling and sports on TV there.” 

 

“Well you’ve sold me,” Garnet said jokingly. “It’s a wonder I work here when there’s a place with wood paneling and light beer.” 

 

Amethyst ignored Garnet. She eyed the door to the bar and saw a frantic Peridot enter. Peridot ran up to the counter, asked Garnet for a water and said, “She’s back!” 

 

“Back?” Garnet asked. 

 

“It’s Rose,” Amethyst said absently. 

 

“You knew!?” Peridot asked. 

 

“I’m her cousin. Of course I knew,” Amethyst said. 

 

“And you conveniently forgot to tell us?” Peridot asked. 

 

“She wanted to keep it on the down low, for what you must now know are obvious reasons,” Amethyst said. She narrowed her eyes at Peridot. This was Rose’s business. Everyone should keep their noses out of it. 

 

“You want me to keep this a secret?” Peridot asked. She was panting and on the verge of having an asthma attack.

 

Garnet served Peridot a water and asked, “So it’s about Rose?” 

 

“Yes!” Peridot said. She chugged a glass of water. “I just saw her like ten minutes ago at the Big Donut and she was--” 

 

“Wait!” Garnet said. “If we all know about this, will it shatter Pearl?” 

 

“Whether we all know about it or not, when Pearl finds out--and she will--it will blow her to smithereens,” Amethyst said. She played with the straw in her cup; swirling around the half-melted ice of her vodka tonic. “Rose is pregnant. Like wicked pregnant. I’m talking like seven or eight months.” 

 

Garnet sighed. “We can’t keep this from Pearl. Even though it might be better for her not to know, she would kill us if she found out we knew Rose was back and didn’t tell her.” 

 

“I’ll tell her,” Amethyst said. “I’m like way better at breaking news than you are, Perri.” 

 

“I’m not bad at breaking news,” Peridot said. 

 

“You just ran over here to tell us something you could have said by calling the bar from the Big Donut pay phone,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I was out of change!” Peridot said. 

 

“Don’t you have a cellular phone for your work?’ Garnet asked. 

 

“That’s for work related instances only!” Peridot said. “At least I told you guys!” 

 

“Do you know who it is?” Garnet asked. 

 

Amethyst nodded. “Greg.” 

 

“From that band?” Garnet asked. 

 

“That Greg,” Amethyst nodded. She chugged the rest of her vodka tonic, hopped off the barstool, and walked toward Pearl. 

 

As Tiesto’s “Adagio for Stings,” played, Amethyst felt the impending doom ahead of her. Nothing would be the same after this. 

 

She wondered how Pearl would react. Amethyst was hoping for her to faint, which seemed cruel, but a reckless Pearl was the worst kind of Pearl to take care of. 

 

“Hey, Perrogi,” Amethyst said softly as she tapped Pearl on the shoulder. 

 

Pearl turned around and gestured to her ears; she couldn’t hear Amethyst. 

 

“You wanna get a cigarette?” Amethyst then yelled. 

 

“Now?” Pearl asked. Her forehead crinkled, confused. 

 

Amethyst nodded. 

 

Pearl leaned in and yelled over the loud music into Amethyst’s ear. “I’m kind of busy now!” 

 

“You wont be after what I’m about to tell you!” Amethyst yelled back. 

 

Pearl’s face dropped. She looked pissed, but concerned. Her eyes narrowed at Amethyst. “Outside?” she yelled. 

 

Amethyst nodded again. 

 

Pearl yelled something inaudible into Bismuth’s ear and then headed toward the exit. Amethyst nodded to Bismuth and then followed Pearl outside. 

 

On the sidewalk, Pearl shivered from the night air. She tapped her foot to show Amethyst her annoyance. She wore these high platform shoes. Since she had grown her red hair past her chin, her hair fell over her face. Amethyst secretly preferred it shorter. 

 

Amethyst didn’t give a shit about Pearl’s irritation. She had been putting this off for at least a month. Yeah, she may have been a bad friend for it, but Rose was like a sister to her. She lit a cigarette and offered a drag to Pearl. 

 

“I’d rather not get cancer, thank you,” Pearl said. She crossed her arms. 

 

“We’re all going to die someday,” Amethyst said. She inhaled and looked up at Pearl. Pearl was taller than Amethyst remembered. Her height must have been related to the shoes. She could see the slight outline of a bra underneath Pearl’s dress. Pearl wore a frown and her eyes seemed to be always narrowed at Amethyst; criticizing her for simply existing as a reminder of Rose. 

 

“You might want a drag of this in a minute,” Amethyst said. “Or at the very least a friggin stiff drink.” 

 

“What the fuck Amethyst?” Pearl said. “Get to the chase. I was busy if you didn’t notice and--” 

 

“Rose is pregnant!” Amethyst blurted out. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Pearl said with nervous laughter. “I thought you just said Rose was pregnant.” 

 

“I did,” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl gave her a blank stare. Her blue eyes looked hauntingly empty. She appeared paler than usual. Then she gagged and ran into an ally. 

 

Amethyst heard the disgusting sound of vomit splashing onto pavement. “P!” she yelled as she ran around the corner. Pearl was bent over, dry-heaving. Amethyst put her hand on Pearl’s back, moving her hand around in circles against the soft leather. “Shhhh,” Amethyst said. “It’s okay.” 

 

Pearl then stood up, composing herself. “I know,” she said with a hoarse voice. 

 

“You okay?” Amethyst asked. “Do you need a water or like juice or--” 

 

“I’m fine,” Pearl nodded. She rubbed the back of her head and said, “I just-I think I need to process this -- it was...it was Greg, right?” 

 

Amethyst nodded. She looked down at the ground and saw the puddle of pink and orange vomit. She wanted to make a joke about what Pearl ate that day, but Garnet was right. People had feelings and Amethyst needed to consider them. 

 

“Yeah,” Amethyst whispered. 

 

“Of course,” Pearl said. Her hand wiped below her eyes. 

 

Amethyst pulled some gum out from her pocket. “Here. Take one.” 

 

Pearl took a stick of gum. She unpeeled the wrapper carefully with precision. 

 

“Hey,” Amethyst said with a smile. Her voice was soft. “How about we go back inside and have some water? You can process this.” 

 

Pearl was hugging her herself. Her thin arms covered in leather made her look uncomfortable. Her shoulders were dropping. “I, um...” she shook her head. “Bismuth is in there. I don’t feel like explaining to her why I’m suddenly upset.” 

 

“I understand,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I’m just gonna go home,” Pearl said. 

 

“You want me to come with?” 

 

“I just want to be alone,” Pearl said. She looked at the sidewalk. Her eyes were blank. Amethyst knew this look; Pearl was planning. No matter what the crisis was, Pearl had a plan. 

 

“Okay,” Amethyst said. She rubbed the back of her neck, then allowed her purple streaked hair to fall over her eye. “Just so you know, Pearl. I wanted to tell you sooner, but Rose is my cousin and--” 

 

“I know,” Pearl said. 

 

“And she’s like alone and doesn’t have a job yet, or like health insurance--did you know you have to pay every month for that stuff?” 

 

“I’m well aware.” 

 

“And she doesn’t even, like, have Greg anymore and--” 

 

“She doesn’t have Greg anymore?” Pearl asked. Her eyebrows rose. 

 

“Um, no...” Amethyst said. Her voice was quiet, unsure of if she should be telling Pearl this. 

 

“What happened?” Pearl asked with a whisper. 

 

“They decided to breakup. I don’t really know all the details. He’s really excited for the kid though,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Oh,” Pearl said as she tilted her head to the side. Amethyst expected a more dramatic reaction. Pearl was all about exaggerating her emotions. 

 

“I’m um, going to get cab,” Pearl said. “You should go back inside and have fun.” 

 

“What should I tell Bismuth if she--” 

 

“That I threw up,” Pearl said. “It’s not a lie that way.”

 

“Gotcha,” Amethyst said. Before she went back into the bar, she took one glimpse of Pearl. She was standing against the brick wall while she smoked a cigarette and dialed numbers on her cell phone. Amethyst knew Pearl would want a cigarette after Amethyst told her about Rose’s pregnancy. However, she did not anticipate Pearl having her own stash on person. 

 

As Amethyst entered The Temple “Ignition Remix,” by R Kelly played. 

 

She walked up to the bar and said to Garnet, “It’s done. Can I have a drink now? Because that was stressful as fuck.” 

 

Garnet served Amethyst another vodka tonic and asked, “How’d it go?” 

 

“Pretty okay I think,” Amethyst said. “She said she was going home to think things over and then called a cab.” 

 

“Wait,” Garnet said. “She called a cab?” 

 

“Yeah,” Amethyst said. “Why is that bad or something?” 

 

Garnet’s mouth parted slightly. Amethyst could not get a reading on her eyes since she was wearing sunglasses. “Shit,” Garnet said. 

 

“No fucking way! She wouldn’t go to my Tio’s house to talk to Rose at freaking one in the morning, would she?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“Of course she would!” Garnet said. With urgency, she hopped over the bar and yelled, “Peridot, watch the bar for me!” 

 

Amethyst ran after Garnet and heard Peridot yell back at them, “I can’t run a bar! I’m an electrical engineer! What am I supposed to do?”

 

“Serve drinks! Take money” Amethyst yelled back.


	7. A Tunnel from My Window to Yours

**April 2004: Part II**

 

“Take Me Out,” by Franz Ferdinand played as Amethyst sprinted after Garnet through the crowds of The Temple. 

 

_So if you're lonely_

_You know I'm here waiting for you_

_I'm just a cross hair_

_I'm just a shot away from you_

_And if you leave here_

_You leave me broken, shattered, I lie_

_I'm just a cross hair_

_I'm just a shot, then we can die_

 

“Ame!” Bismuth called out, grabbing Amethyst by the shoulder. “Hey have you seen Pearl?” 

 

“She barfed,” Amethyst said. She waved her hands out of her mouth and made a gagging sound. “Went home, you know?” 

 

Amethyst then started to run for the exit again. She pushed her way through two women making out. “Emergency! Sorry! Didn’t mean to push!” Amethyst said as she opened the exit door. She could feel the cold wind on her burning hot face. She looked both ways down the street and saw Garnet running toward a cab that was parked on the side of the road. 

 

When Amethyst caught up with Garnet, they nodded at each other and each opened one of the passenger side doors. Garnet and Amethyst squeezed into the cab, pushing a noticeably irritated Pearl into the middle seat. 

 

“Where are we off to on this lovely night?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“Would it happen to be 194 Plante Ave?” Garnet asked. She lowered her sunglasses and gave Pearl a disapproving look. 

 

Moby’s “Honey,” was playing in the cab. 

 

“That’s exactly where we’re going,” the cab driver said. “You guys all friends?” He was a young guy in his mid-twenties. His hair was over gelled and his cologne smelled like he applied a few too many sprays each morning. His shirt was wrinkled. Amethyst found him hot though. It was like he made an active choice to not iron his shirt and Amethyst appreciated that. 

 

“You need to leave,” Pearl said. “Both of you.” 

 

“Not happening,” Garnet said. 

 

“Are these people bothering you?” the cab driver asked. 

 

“Depends on what you mean by ‘bothering,’” Amethyst said. 

 

“Okay, you heard the lady,” the cab driver said. “You two, out now.” 

 

“Shit,” Amethyst said. “Didn’t mean it to come out like that. Hear me out, kay?”

 

“Fine,” the cab driver said. “You have five seconds to explain before I kick you two clowns out and take this lady to her destination.” 

 

“This one, here,” Amethyst pointed to Pearl, “is about to go to her pregnant ex-girlfriend’s house to ask said ex-girlfriend if she can raise the baby with her.” 

 

“At one-thirty in the morning?” the cab driver asked. 

 

“None of you understand,” Pearl said. “She would find it romantic. It’s like a Lloyd Dobler thing. She loves grand romantic gestures like this.” 

 

“And my tio Ralphie would find it as illegally trespassing and have the cops arrest your ass,” Amethyst said. 

 

“The ex-girlfriend's parents do not like Pearl,” Garnet explained to the cab driver. 

 

“Why do they hate you?” the cab driver asked Pearl. 

 

“They’re religious homophobes,” all three of the women answered in unison. 

 

The cab driver turned round and looked at Pearl. “You sure you want me to take you to your girl’s house? Doesn’t sound like this is the best thing to do at one in the morning.”

 

“Pearl,” Garnet said. “Can we please go over the possible scenarios before you impulsively do this?” 

 

“I hate going over scenarios,” Pearl said. 

 

“You sure?” Garnet asked. 

 

Pearl dipped her head back. “Fine. Just go through them quickly. I suppose they’re helpful.” 

 

“Scenario one,” Garnet said. “You show up. Sing a Pavement song--” 

 

“How did you know it’s a Pavement song?” Pearl asked with wide eyes. 

 

“I know you too well,” Garnet said. “Let me continue. You sing a Pavement song. Throw a small rock at her window to awake her. She opens the window and sees you. She softly says you name like a question. ‘Pearl?’ Then you say, ‘yes?’ She asks what you’re doing here. You tell her how you feel, that you want to raise the baby with her. Everything works out. Kiss and make-up.” 

 

“I like that scenario,” Pearl said wistfully. 

 

“We all do,” Amethyst said. “Too bad it ain’t happening because this is not a fucking Cameron Crowe movie, P!” 

 

“Don’t use ‘ain’t,’ Amethyst,” Pearl said. “Use ‘isn’t.’” 

 

“Pearl, Amethyst is right, you know?” Garnet said. 

 

“But that’s the happy ending!” the cab driver said. 

 

“Garnet, give them the realistic ending,” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl glared at Amethyst. Her eyes were red and cloudy. Amethyst could tell she was plastered. 

 

“Scenario two: Rose’s parents live in a private neighborhood. It’s an HOA with their own security force. Pearl show up, throws a small rock at the window to stir Rose from sleeping. Some nosy neighbor or Amethyst’s uncle calls said security force, who formally charge Pearl with trespassing. She gets arrested, fined, and loses her visa.” 

 

“Your ass gets sent back to the arctic circle,” Amethyst said. Pearl’s eyes widened. 

 

“O-kay,” the cab driver said, “I’m with your friends. Don’t do this. Wait until, like tomorrow?” 

 

Pearl sighed. She closed her eyes, contemplating her next move. “Okay. Tomorrow. I will wait until tomorrow.” 

 

“Great,” Garnet said with a wide smile. She gestured her palm out toward Pearl. “Now give me your cell phone.” 

 

“Excuse me?” Pearl said, offended at the request. 

 

“Give me your cellular phone. I’m not letting you keep that so you can drunkenly call Rose on the phone before you’ve had time to process this,” Garnet said. 

 

“I need this for work. What’s if there’s an emergency?!” Pearl said. 

 

Amethyst rolled her shoulders back so she had perfect posture. Then she put on a mocking, formal voice to imitate Pearl. “Oh, I’m Pearl. I need my cell phone just in case my crazy boss has a water engineering emergency. Oh no! What if a dam needs inspection in the middle of the night and I am not there to take this very important call. I need my cell phone so I can work my life way!” 

 

Garnet smirked as the cab driver erupted into laughter. 

 

“Oh my god,” the cab driver said. “That was spot on! No lie. Freaking hilarious.” 

 

“Thank you, sir,” Amethyst said, still not breaking character. 

 

“For your information, most of the United States’ infrastructure is crumbling. So yes, there could very well be a dam related emergency in the middle of the night that I am called upon to find a solution to. Also it’s not called water engineering! It’s hydraulic engineering!” Pearl said. 

 

“Whatevs,” Amethyst said, rolling her eyes. “Just give G your phone.” 

 

Pearl cracked her jaw before she bit her cheek and began to dig through her purse. She handed the pink Motorola razor cell phone to Garnet. “Here,” she said as she gave the phone to Garnet.  

 

“Awesome phone, Pearl. Nice color choice,” Garnet said with a smile. “All right. I have to finish my shift at the bar and close up. Amethyst, stay with Pearl and make sure she DOES NOT call Rose under any circumstances. We will reconvene in the morning at Pearl’s apartment.” 

 

“Are we also going to rob the Mirage Hotel?” Amethyst said as a joke. She saw the confused looks Pearl and Garnet were giving her. “It’s because she said reconvene. Has no one seen _Ocean’s Eleven_?”

 

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Pearl said. 

 

“Yes, you do,” Garnet said. “I’ll meet you guys at Pearl’s apartment when my shift is over.” 

 

“Aye, cappin’” Amethyst said. 

 

When Garnet left the cab, Pearl sank into her seat. 

 

“So, like where am I going?” the cab driver asked. 

 

“I don’t want to go home,” Pearl said. 

 

“What?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Daft Punk’s “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger,” started to play on the cab driver’s radio. 

 

“I can’t be home right now. I’ll just obsess over stupid things. I’ll wonder what she’s doing, how she feels, if she’s thinking of me as well, if it’s a boy or a girl, if she’ll take me back after what I said to her.”

 

Amethyst's face sank. She knew Pearl and Rose’s breakup was not a situation where one or the other did something wrong. It was a breakup of circumstance. Pearl didn’t know if she would ever come back. 

 

“25th and Main,” Amethyst said to the driver. As the car began to move, she turned to Pearl and said, “It’s for the best, P."

 

“I know.” Pearl said as she moved out of the middle seat.

 

_Our work is never over. Work it harder._

 

Amethyst leaned forward toward the driver’s seat. “This is a sick song.” 

 

“Thanks,” the cab driver said. “I love Daft Punk’s new album.” 

 

“I think I prefer _Homework_ to _Discovery_ ,” Pearl said as she stared out the window. 

 

“Nah,” The cab driver said. “ _Homework_ is like a bunch of singles packed onto one album. _Discovery_ tells a story. It makes me, like, feel things.” 

 

Pearl snorted at this notion, which caused Amethyst to roll her eyes. Pearl could be facetious. It made her annoying. 

 

“It does make you feel things,” Pearl said. “Arguably that is what an album is supposed to do.” 

 

This response surprised Amethyst. It was strange seeing Pearl agree with someone. She must have been ridiculously drunk. 

 

“What are your thoughts on the Chemical Brothers?” the cab driver asked. 

 

“I love how simple the beat starts in every song," Pearl said. "It lulls you in. Perfect for if, well, you’re on an illegal substance, which I do not partake in, but still a great way to bring you up to the drop. Their song ‘It began in Afrika,’ does this well.” 

 

“Totally!” the cab driver said. “The drums. Shit the drums in that song, man. So fucking awesome.” 

 

This made Amethyst roll her eyes. The cab pulled over in front of a dingy, one story building. There were no windows. On the door in neon letters, it said, “Skippy’s Bar.” 

 

Amethyst handed some cash to the driver. “See you around, dude!” 

 

“Good luck with the ex-girlfriend thing!” he said. 

 

“Thank you,” Pearl said as she followed Amethyst out of the cab and onto the sidewalk. “Amethyst, you should have given that guy your number.” 

 

“He wasn’t for me,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Why because he likes synthesized drums?” Pearl said with a smirk. 

 

“Let go do shots,” Amethyst said. She put her hands into her pockets and walked into Skippy’s. Pearl followed. 

 

Skippy’s had wood panelling, a plethora of neon signs, and tons of sports memorabilia honoring the sports teams from the next state over. Delmarva was too small to have their own pro-sports teams.

 

When they entered the bar, a douchy frat-bro type dressed in a button-down shirt and cargo pants yelled, “Piano Man! Sing us a song!” 

 

“Later!” Amethyst yelled back. “People need to chill the eff out.”

 

Pearl and Amethyst sat at the bar. Amethyst ordered some lemon-cello shots. As they waited for their drinks, Amethyst said, “I know you’re irritated with me and Garnet.” 

 

“You do? Now where did you get that idea?” Pearl said with a dry, sarcastic tone. 

 

“Dude,” Amethyst said. “You can’t just barge in there and declare your love for her like some crappy movie.” 

 

“You don’t know her like I do. None of you know her like I do,” Pearl said as she pointed to herself. “None of you understand.” 

 

The bartender set down their shots. Amethyst picked up the skinny glass filled with yellow liquid and gestured a cheers to Pearl, who reluctantly clinked glasses. “To you not fucking this up!” Amethyst said. 

 

“To me not fucking this up,” Pearl mumbled back. She then took the shot. 

 

Five rounds later Pearl’s head was resting on the table. Her eye lids were heavy and her speech was slurred. “What if-what if I can’t live up to Greg?”

 

“You can live up to Greg,” Amethyst said. 

 

“But how do you know?” Pearl said. 

 

“Because if she wanted Greg she’d be with Greg,” Amethyst said. 

 

“How do you know that?” Pearl said. “Like, I dunno what happened between them. You don’t know what happened. I’m just sitting here like an asshole getting messed up on fruity drinks. I mean, they’re delicious fruity drinks, but, but I highly doubt that makes me better than Greg.” Pearl emphasize the hard g at the end of Greg’s name. 

 

“Dude,” Amethyst said. She put her hand on Pearl’s shoulder and felt the soft leather bunch up around Pearl’s thin frame. She looked Pearl in the eyes and saw the swirls of cerulean and grey in her iris. It gave her chills. Amethyst snapped out of it and said, “If she wanted to be with Greg, she’d be with Greg. Trust me.” 

 

“Why should I trust you?” Pearl said. 

 

“Cause I’m right this time,” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl looked at the shot in front of her. She reached to take it, but changed her mind at the last second. She hopped off the stool onto the sticky floor, and walked toward the piano at the corner of the bar. Some of the fratty bar patrons began to cheer. 

 

Amethyst smirked as she sipped a vodka tonic. She didn’t have a lot of favorite things in the world, but seeing Pearl play the piano was one of them. 

 

Pearl sat on the piano bench. Her eyes were sunken and her voice was raspy. 

 

“Piano Man!” some guy shouted. 

 

She sat at the piano and said into the microphone, “No 'Piano Man' tonight. Still Billy Joel though.” 

 

Some people booed, but Pearl didn’t care. She cleared her throat and began to play, “And So It Goes.” Her shoulders slumped as her fingers moved across the keys. 

 

_“My silence is my self-defense. And every time I’ve held a rose. It seems I’ve only felt the thorns. And so it goes and so it goes and so will you soon, I suppose. But if my silence made you leave, then that would be my worst mistake. So I will share this room with you. And you can have this heart to break.”_

 

Amethyst then realized it could be cruel and unusual to keep a drunk person from calling someone. Perhaps nine time out of ten it was best to disallow them from contacting any former lovers. Perhaps this was the one time out of ten it was okay. 

 

They walked back to Pearl’s apartment in the dark. Amethyst tried to balance on top of a brick retaining wall someone used to landscape their front yard. “Hey, P,” Amethyst said as she wobbled back and forth. 

 

Pearl had her hands in her pockets. Her leather jacket’s lapel was up. She looked as if she was trying not to cry. “What?” 

 

“Top five Kate Winslet movies. Ranked. Now,” Amethyst said with a chuckle. 

 

“Okay,” Pearl said with sudden smile. “Five is _Heavenly Creatures_.” 

 

“That should be higher,” Amethyst teased. “Peter Jackson is a goddamn international treasure.” 

 

Pearl laughed and  said, “This is my list. You can rank it higher on your own list.” 

 

“Whatevs, P,” Amethyst said as she hopped down from the brick wall. “Next four.” 

 

“Four is _Quills_. Three is _Sense and Sensibility_. Two is _Jude_. One is _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_.” 

 

“She doesn’t get naked in any of those movies,” Amethyst said. 

 

“She does in _Jude_ and _Quills_ ,” Pearl said. 

 

“Gotcha,” Amethyst smirked. “Knew you knew which ones she got naked in.” 

 

Pearl turned bright red. “Name yours,” she said. 

 

“Five is _Titanic_. Then it’s _Hideous Kinky_ , _Quills_ , _Heavenly Creatures_ , and number one is  _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind._ ” 

 

“Top five Nirvana songs,” Pearl then said. 

 

“Only five?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“Only five,” Pearl said. 

 

"Well, that's going to be hard," Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl’s apartment was on the second floor of what was once a single family home. The walls were slanted and it was extremely neat and orderly. Pearl put her keys on a hook and hung her jacket on the coat rack. “You wanna take your hat off?” Pearl asked. 

 

“No thanks,” Amethyst said as she walked into the living room. 

 

“I’m going to go and change. I can’t stand wearing this dress anymore,” Pearl said. “You want pajamas?” 

 

“That would be cool” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl disappeared down the hallway. 

 

Amethyst looked around. Pearl’s living room was immaculate. Everything didn’t match perfectly, but it had a sense of order. Pearl had art prints and framed album covers on the walls. Photos of her family and her hometown were everywhere. 

 

Pearl came back. She was now wearing pajamas. She handed some sweatpants and a t-shirt to Amethyst. 

 

“P, how do you keep this place so clean?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Pearl kneeled down by the stereo. She looked though her CD collection before putting a CD into the player. 

 

Amethyst quickly changed as Pearl had her back turned. Pearl did this on purpose and Amethyst didn’t feel like bothering Pearl about being a prude tonight.  Amethyst kept her hat on. 

 

“Neighborhood #1,” by Arcade Fire began to play. “I’m never here. No mess,” Pearl said jokingly. “But really I like to clean.” 

 

“Why?” Amethyst asked as she plopped down on the couch. Her place was a mess. Last time Pearl was over Amethyst’s house, she commented on the piles of clothes on the floor and half-empty beer bottles scattered on the tables. 

 

“It can be completed,” Pearl said. She walked over to the couch and sat down next to Amethyst.

 

Amethyst admired Pearl’s polka dot t-shirt and pajama shorts. 

 

“Not everything can be completed, but cleaning always can be. It’s a task that one can always accomplish,” Pearl said.  

 

“You’re weird,” Amethyst said. She giggled as she took a joint out of her purse. 

 

“I suppose I am,” Pearl said. She brought her knees up to her chest and stared at the carpeted floor. 

 

“Oh, P, I didn’t mean it for real,” Amethyst said. Upsetting Pearl right now would be like kicking an injured person. 

 

“I know,” Pearl said. 

 

“I like this song,” Amethyst said. “It’s like so fucking beautiful. What band is this?” 

 

“Arcade Fire,” Pearl said. 

 

“What are they Canadian or something?” Amethyst asked with a grin. 

 

Pearl giggled. “Yeah. They are.” She leaned her head against Amethyst’s shoulder and began to hum along. 

 

_You change all the lead_

_Sleepin' in my head,_

_As the day grows dim_

_You I hear you sing a golden hymn_

 

Amethyst felt Pearl’s soft cheek on her bare skin. She wanted to run her fingers through Pearl’s luscious, red hair. “Do you know what you’re going to say to her?" Amethyst asked. 

 

It took Pearl a few moments to answer. The silence felt like forever. Part of Amethyst wanted Pearl to say she was going to forget about Rose. 

 

“Just that I love her,” Pearl said. “And that I want to be there for her and for...the baby. She’s my person, Ame. She’s my person, you know?”

 

Amethyst didn’t know. She never had, “a person.” 

 

Pearl’s eyes looked heavy like she was about to fall asleep. 

 

“Ah, P, don’t fall asleep on me before Garnet gets here to give you your cell phone back.” 

 

“Sorry...It’s just so nice,” Pearl said. “My cell phone is not ringing every five seconds. Also, you’re warm.”  

 

_Then we tried to name our babies_

_But we forgot all the names that_

_The names we used to know._

_But sometimes, we remember our bedrooms,_

_And our parents' bedrooms,_

_And the bedrooms of our friends._

_Then we think of our parents,_

_Well what ever happened to them?!_

 

“I am?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Pearl looked up at Amethyst and gave her a small nod. She reached up and pushed Amethyst’s hair away from her eyes. “I like your hat,” Pearl said. 

 

“I think you’re wasted,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I think you’re wasted,” Pearl said. Suddenly, she took Amethyst’s hat and put it on her own head. It was slightly sideways, like she was in some bad 1990’s music video. She looked ridiculous, but cute. 

 

“Dude, don’t take my hat!” Amethyst said. She reached out for the grey baseball hat on Pearl’s head. Pearl took it off her own head and extended her arm away from Amethyst’s reach. 

 

“You want this hat back?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Um, yes,” Amethyst said as she tried to grab it away from Pearl’s grip. Pearl was pressing on Amethyst’s chest with her own body to subtly restrain her. “P, give it back.” 

 

“I don’t think I want to,” Pearl said as she rose her eyebrows. 

 

“Oh no?” Amethyst said. She lunged over Pearl’s lap to reach for it, but ended up falling onto Pearl. She felt Pearl’s skinny frame below her. She stared into Pearl’s blue eyes. For a few seconds, she forgot why she was at Pearl’s apartment and admired how Pearl’s nose pointed slightly upward and how her hair wasn’t just one shade of red. It had this magenta tint in certain lighting. 

 

“Um, Ame?” Pearl said. 

 

“Yeah?” Amethyst said in a slight daze. 

 

“You want to get off me?” 

 

“Oh, sorry!” Amethyst said with an embarrassed, high pitch tone. She jumped off Pearl and walked into Pearl’s kitchen to get a lighter. When she opened Pearl’s junk drawer, every item was organized by category and in neat rows. She easily found several lighters all together with equal space in between each of them. She grabbed the pink one. She then took a mug out of the cupboard. 

 

She walked back into the living room, staring at the floor the entire time. Amethyst did not want to see Pearl’s expression.

 

Pearl had the living room window open. A fan was set up to blow outside. “I don’t want the room to smell like weed,” she said. 

 

Amethyst walked over to the window and stood next to Pearl. She lit the joint and inhaled before passing it over to Pearl. When she finally allowed herself to look at Pearl, she saw that Pearl had put the hat back on her head. 

 

“You okay, P?”  

 

Pearl didn’t say anything. She took the hat and set it back on Amethyst’s head, backwards, just like Amethyst preferred to wear it. Pearl took a toke of the joint and then let it rest in the mug Amethyst was holding. 

 

“I had fun tonight, despite the...you know,” Pearl said. 

 

“You trying to disrupt the peace at my tio’s house?” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl buried her face into her hands. “God, I’m insane.” 

 

“You just love her. It’s okay,” Amethyst said. “People do unexplainable shit sometimes when they love someone..." She paused and then added, "you know, I've been thinking. Cleaning is never done, P. It’s like that Sisyphus dude with the ball he’s trying to roll up the mountain. You’re done, but then it gets messy gain. So it’s really never a complete task. It’s an ongoing task.”

 

“I never thought of it like that,” Pearl said. She blew smoke out of her mouth and into the fan. Then she handed the joint to Amethyst. 

 

Amethyst looked at the joint and then focused her attention on Pearl, who was listlessly staring out the window. This wasn’t how this night was supposed to happen. She should not be here right now. 

 

Suddenly, Amethyst dabbed the joint out in the mug and said, “Get your coat on.” 

 

“What?” Pearl asked. She crinkled her forehead and gave an expression of disbelief to Amethyst. 

 

“You’re right, P,” Amethyst said. “You would know what Rose wants. Garnet and I don’t know. You do. You need to go and see her and tell her how you fucking feel.” Amethyst grabbed the CD out of the player. The music stopped. She then took a hoodie from the coat rack and put it on. “Let’s go. Get your coat on.” 

 

“What about your uncle?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll go with you,” Amethyst said. “My tio isn’t going to get me arrested for trespassing on his property twice.” 

 

“Twice?” Pearl asked with wide eyes as she put a coat on.

 

“It’s alright. My dad is a lawyer. If worse come to worst, he’ll get us out of this if we get caught. I’m sure you’ll be able to handle the holding cell at county.” 

 

“What?!” Pearl said. 

 

“P! Logic needs to be thrown out the window. We need to get there ASAP if we want to avoid Garnet!” 

 

Pearl nodded. 

 

Amethyst called a cab. They ran down stairs. Amethyst looked at her watch. It was almost three in the morning. The cab pulled up. Amethyst grabbed Pearl’s hand and dragged her into the cab. 

 

“194 Plante ave,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I thought you ladies were waiting until tomorrow! We agreed!” the cab driver said. 

 

“You again?” Amethyst said. 

 

“I take welding classes during the day all week, so I drive a cab all night every weekend,” he said. 

 

Amethyst put her arm around Pearl and pulled her close in an embrace for a moment. “Rose is P’s person. Have you ever had a person?” 

 

“A person?” he asked. 

 

“It’s the one you’re supposed to be with because everyone else pales in comparison,” Amethyst said. “Drive.” 

 

“You sure?” the cab driver asked, looking at Pearl. 

 

“Yes,” Pearl said with a quiet voice.

 

They drove in silence as the yards grew larger in size and the houses became massive.The cab stopped in front of what Amethyst liked to describe as a McMansion. 

 

“Keep the engine running,” Amethyst said. “And play this from your speaker, loud.” She handed him the Arcade Fire CD. 

 

Outside, Pearl took a small, white stone from the landscaping. She walked on the soft grass in her Converse sneakers. Amethyst thought she looked so innocent and scared. It must have been the pajamas. Amethyst could not believe they were going to fall asleep instead of doing this.

 

_And if the snow buries my, my neighborhood._

_And if my parents are crying_

_Then I'll dig a tunnel from my window to yours,_

_Yeah, a tunnel from my window to yours._

 

Pearl threw the rock. It made a ticking sound on the window’s glass. “Rose!” Pearl yelled. 

 

The window opened. A head of pink hair and dark brown roots poked out the window. 

 

“Pearl!” Rose yelled with excitement. “What the hell are you doing here?” She was smiling. 

 

Amethyst leaned against the cab as she observed the entire event. 

 

“I know!” Pearl said. 

 

Rose smile faded. “You do?” 

 

Pearl nodded. Her hands were in her coat pockets. “I still love you!” she yelled. 

 

Then the lights in Rose’s house turned on. 

 

“Shit,” Rose said. “That’s my parents. I’ll be right down!” 

 

Pearl looked at Amethyst in terror from across the lawn. 

 

“It will be okay,” Amethyst said. 

 

Rose then emerged from the front door. She was glowing in a long, pink nightgown she must have bought at a maternity store. Her feet were bare. Her stomach was large, round. 

 

Pearl’s eyes swelled with tears. 

 

“You still love me?” Rose asked. 

 

For a moment they stood apart, each on one side of the lawn. 

 

“Of course I do,” Pearl said. 

 

Rose then walked up to her, took her in a tight embrace, cradling Pearl in her arms. 

 

“I love you too,” Rose said. 

 

“I couldn’t wait to see you,” Pearl said. “I’m sorry I came so late.” 

 

“It’s alright,” Rose said. She cried a stream of tears down her cheek. "I can't believe you did this. How did you know I would love this?" 

 

“I heard you...I heard you and... I heard that you are no longer--that Greg and--” Pearl said. 

 

“Greg and I were in Amarillo. And I-I loved him, but I looked at him and into his eyes and in my gut, I was like, he’s sweet, he compassionate, he’s cute, but he’s not my person. He’s not the person I am supposed to be with. He’s not mine and I wasn’t his,” Rose said. She kissed Pearl on top of her head and said, “You’re my person, Pearl McBain.” 

 

Pearl looked up at Rose and kissed her passionately. She cradled Rose’s face. 

 

“Ouch,” Rose winced. 

 

“Sorry, are you---” 

 

“It’s okay. I have a sinus infection, well this constant sinus infection, and I can’t take anything for it and--well fuck it--” She leaned down again and pressed her lips on Pearls. 

 

When Rose pulled away, Pearl said, “I want to do this with you. I want to help you. I want to be there for you and for the baby--"

 

"Steven," Rose said. "Steven Cortez-Universe." 

 

"That's Greg's real last name?" 

 

"I think so," Rose said. Her eyes widened as if she never considered Greg having a different last name. 

 

Pearl said, "I want to be there for Steven. For you. For both of you. Forever.” 

 

"Are you sure?" Rose asked. 

 

"Of course I'm sure," Pearl said. "I've been waiting for you. No one else is you, Rose. No one else is _you_." 

 

Amethyst heard some whimpering. She looked into the cab and saw the driver watching through the open window of the driver’s seat. “That was so fucking beautiful.” He had some tears in his eyes. 

 

“It was, wasn’t it?” Amethyst said with a reluctant smile. "P knew Rose would love this type of shit." 

 

“And with this music, man, that was the--the greatest thing I ever saw. What’s this band called?” he asked. 

 

“Arcade Fire,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I gotta get this CD,” he said. 

 

“Can I see the CD for a sec?” she asked. 

 

He handed her the CD. 

 

“Have a pen?” she asked. 

 

He nodded and gave her a pen. 

 

Amethyst wrote down her phone number and name on the CD. She handed it back to him and said, “Keep it and call me sometime so we can listen to it together?” 

 

“I’d like that,” he said. 

 

Rose still had Pearl in an embrace. "I should have told you," she said. 

 

Pearl didn't say anything. It was like she was waiting for her anger to pass by. "You had your reasons," Pearl said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. Thanks for any comments and kudos! 
> 
>  
> 
> Obviously next chapter will be a Rose/Pearl centric chapter.
> 
> Also will probably post a spotify playlist with every song referenced in order by chapter.


End file.
